Greg Hollenback Confessions of a Serial Dater
Confessions Of A Serial Dater
Sheik Of Cherry Creek Greg Hollenback
Beware Of Cruella
de Vil This Year!
Sheik!
I have recently started dating again and I am getting eaten alive out there by single, mean, selfish, middle aged, booze swilling women who want to punish me for their past relationships. They are correct when they say all the good ones are taken. I can’t find a functional woman who is my age anywhere (I’m 39). I try to follow the advice in your column and on your radio show but sometimes I get sucked into the dysfunction of dating these women because of my natural male instinct for sex. But I have to tell you I am losing confidence, money, time and energy trying to keep up the dating game because of my encounters with these bitter shrews. I may seem a bit harsh but I really believe I am a good catch with a lot to offer but the minute I show softness or weakness they tend to want to steamroll me like a mancake.
Any advice would be great, Down Dater
First, I disagree; all the good ones aren’t taken. The good ones are just harder to find and get. I have been on many dates as well where I know pretty quickly that I am sitting in front of a woman who has no business dating (for reasons I will lay out) and/or a woman who is so emotionally damaged that she needs to piece her life back together before she starts to market herself again. I’m sure the same is true for some men, I just don’t date men so I can’t really comment on what it’s like to date them. The point is, you are not the only guy out there with this problem. You just have to get better about how to identify these men hating wretches and learn to run the other way at first sniff.
Let’s face it, living life, having experiences and wading through relationships can take a toll on people, men and women alike. Let me break down for you what I call the signs to “run for the hills!” and don’t look back. Remember, a lot of these warning signs that I am going to give you are universal and you should use these signs as a general rule to follow and I’m certain you will be able to eliminate most of the women you’re talking about just by this vetting process. Try to do most of this investigating in a nonchalant manner over the phone (not texting) before you agree to a date and spending your hard earned time and money on her. This is key!
1. I know talking about past relationships is a huge no no on a first date but it’s fair game to walk by the graveyard on the phone before a potential date. Nine times out of 10 you don’t even have to bring it up because a wounded woman will. I always say to people, “Look at how someone interacts with their exes, because that’s going to be you someday.” If she constantly complains what a p.o.s. he is and she calls him every filthy name in the book there is a real good chance she is used to having bad relationships and/or she isn’t over them, or healed yet. If you see this, run for the hills!
2. Make a point to call her on the phone in the evening, around 8 or 9 p.m. This is primetime loneliness for most single people and you will get to hear her voice when she is deeply ensconced in her downtime. Is she drunk or drinking? It can be very tricky to find out if someone has a problem with drinking and/or drug abuse because they will never be the first to admit it but you can learn quite a bit from about someone by just being aware. Chances are if she is knocking back a bottle or two of wine a night you will have some sense of it by talking to her in those prime drinking hours. Better to figure out if she drinks and what her demeanor is when she’s had a few over the phone. It’s much better to try and figure that out early before you’re picking up the bar tab for some numb, glassy-eyed woman who is ready to read you the riot act for being a man. This is usually where she calls you her ex’s name and proceeds to try to either emasculate you or make a scene. The first sign of this, run for the hills!
3. Ask her on the phone how often she dates but in a way where she is not feeling pressured to lie. You want to find out why she is dating. To have fun? To find someone special, etc… Technology has made it very easy for people to meet, and it is almost working against us daters as it gives us too many options. This isn’t so bad for women because they could go out every day of the week and come Sunday their checking account will still look the same. For us guys, we have to be careful and choosy. Technology has made it easier for single women to just go out and have fun! I encourage you to read the article I wrote titled “Dinnerdiggers” for a more in-depth look at this new dinner grab phenomenon. If you are looking for a relationship and you sense a “dinnerdigger” run for the hills!
4. When talking to her on the phone, do you hear this, “my kids and work come first?” I always feel like saying, “duhhhh… As they should!” But for some reason some women feel the need to make sure you know that. She is basically saying she doesn’t know how to fit a man into her life and her time with you will be limited. If you’re looking to see her more than once a week run for the hills!
5. Lastly, how does she revere men? You can usually find this out in bantering with her. Make sure you consciously keep conversation light with mild joking over the phone. If she proceeds to be overly sensitive and elevates joking to bickering which is usually followed by name calling, you my friend just got a glimpse into her last relationship and if you don’t run for the hills, your future.
I wanted to start out the New Year right and share with you this message I received through my website www.themoderndater .com. This is the realness of dating; admittedly I’m apprehensive to address this topic because I’m a sensitive guy and I don’t want anyone’s feelings hurt. I wish dating was easier but it’s not. Do your homework and have functional fun out there! Happy New Year!
Sheik