As I get older more mature I am finding different things becoming important to me when dating than I did say 10 years ago. Let me explain… When I was a young, optimistic, single guy I wanted the moon, the stars and the sun when I was prospecting single ladies. Everything was based on wants. I want a woman who is smoking hot with a great body. I want a gal who is sharp as a tack and can handle herself in social situations. I want a lady who has no kids and has never been married. I want to find a chick that is happy and healthy within her. I want a babe who is baggage free and only has eyes for me. Heck I even wanted a girl that had stacks of cash. I think you get the point. I wanted the world in a woman and when it became apparent to me that she deviated away from my grand vision I would label her as “not right for me” and move on to the next.
Then I lived some life. It’s not that my standards have dropped, they have just changed. Sure the qualities I was looking for as a young dater would be nice to find today in one perfect woman who is crazy about me, but like I said, I now have some life experience behind me and that is just not reasonable. Back then the importance was WANT and now the emphasis is on what I DON’T WANT. Sometimes in life making sure that you understand what is toxic for your constitution is much more important than searching for someone who fits a certain idea in your mind.
Now when I date I put my shallow “wants” on the back burner and focus on the “don’t wants.” Here’s an example. I don’t want someone who constantly has a problem and if she doesn’t have one she is sure to manifest one. I don’t want a woman who is an attention whore more concerned with making sure every man finds her attractive instead of feeling good just knowing that I think she’s beautiful. I don’t want a gal who is always broke financially and can’t take care of herself. I don’t want a chick that has issues with being content with who she is. I don’t want a chick who thinks getting the perfect selfie is more important that striving to be the best self she can be. I could go on, and I will… I don’t want a babe, just kidding, I am done. You get what I am laying out here.
Again, I love all of the “wants” that I listed earlier and I am very open to having all of those qualities in a woman but those wants don’t cloud my brain anymore making it possible for the “don’t wants” to sneak into my life. I wish you would try this. Some people call it settling but I call it growing up and being aware. Being aware that how you are perceived by the Jones’ is less important than finding what makes you happy, healthy and prosperous.
What sounds better to you? A woman who turns every head in the room and is a flight risk, or a lady who turns your head because you know she’s loving and loyal? I’m not going to lie, and guys you know this, men want to have the most attractive chick in the room. We are just wired that way. There is nothing wrong with that but more times than not that visually pleasing, delicious looking, jaw dropping chick has more issues than Time magazine. Problems you don’t need.
Instead of judging a book by the cover and being the pot that calls the kettle black, try reading the books that will inspire you and you just might find that black kettle is just like you. Imperfectly, perfect.
See you next month!
Your pal, Sheik.