New Year’s Resolutions

  • Governor John Hickenlooper — 2017 will be the end of the trail for the Governor. Getting off the sauce was a great career move and staying off of it for that 2020 run to dump GOP Senator Cory Gardner.
  • Denver Mayor Michael Hancock — don’t go for the third term. Cash in while you can and get all the money developers promised you for destroying the City and County of Denver.
  • Commander-in-Chief Donald Trump — another year like 2017 and they’ll put you on Mount Rushmore.
  • DPD Chief Robert White — in spite of that resounding vote of confidence from your rank and file do your level best to stay on the job.
  • Senator Cory Gardner — lucky the Chamber of Commerce promised you all those lobbying contracts because you are dead meat when Hickenlooper goes for the throat.
  • Congressman Jared Polis — two words — opposition research, put on your hat.
  • Tom Tancredo — once more into the breach. Wind in your sails and the Governor’s mansion in ’18.
  • The Denver Post — down to a skeleton crew but hope for an In and Out Burger in your new Adams County digs.
  • Denver’s Television Stations — another year like this one and you’ll be joining The Denver Post and be beaten by reruns of Gilligan’s Island.
  • Denver’s Sports Reporters and Broncos Fans — I hope you cease and desist the term “we.” The team belongs to Annabel Bowlen and the “blood of the city.”
  • To the loving couple Cynthia and Mike Coffman — welcome to the wide wide world of singledom. Recommend It’s Just Lunch and
  • The Brownstein Law Firm — best of luck with the new Saudi king (winky winky).
  • Brandon Marshall — hope your appearance on the show To Tell the Truth goes well.
  • Denver District Attorney Beth McCann — if things go bad don’t go in the shower.
  • Walker Stapleton — keep on reminding people you can choose your friends but not your relatives, ie. the Bushes.
  • Mike “The King” Dunafon — best of luck for the inaugural season for the Glendale Raptors and Major League Rugby.
  • Debbie Matthews — keep up the great billboards at Shotgun’s.
  • George Brauchler — hope this run goes well but if this doesn’t work out please don’t join the Brownstein Law Firm.
  • Stephan Tubbs and Terry Frei — two very good guys. All the very best in the future; you didn’t deserve what happened to you.

Happy New Year!

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