As adults why do we constantly try and make things fit in to our lives when we know good and well it doesn’t make sense or belong? As little kids we took the “square peg, round hole” aptitude test where we learned quickly that if the shape didn’t fit in the hole to move on and find the proper piece that would fit. Sure there were those kids who continually tried to force the object into the wrong hole but after many unsuccessful attempts and much frustration they would eventually move on and look for the right combination.
What happened to those abilities when it comes to our intimate relationships as adults? I am not preaching here or excluding myself from this conversation, I’m guilty of trying to force things to work when I know deep down inside that it won’t. Have we been so beaten down by life and failure that we believe it’s easier to take what you have, although it’s not working, rather than put whatever, or in this case whomever, aside and search for the right match? More and more I am seeing people in relationships putting more work into forcing things to be right rather than spending that energy finding what’s right for them. Have we really become so fear and guilt driven that we have forgotten about the basic fundamentals of life?
I want everyone who is reading this right now to think of a time in their life where something worked out when you tried to force it to. How did that work out for you? I may come across as cold when I say this but I have zero desire at this point in my life to run uphill battles when I know better. There is no more room in my life for that madness. I hope you feel the same about your life.
The following is a quick reference you can use to determine if you’re fighting the good fight with someone you’re dating or in a relationship with, or if you are just trying to stuff whatever you can.
- You find yourself disappointed time and time again by someone’s actions and you hope somehow that will change. Disappointment manifests from failed expectations and expectations come from a personal standard you hold for yourself. Remember not everyone is going to have your same standards, and that’s ok. Rather than trying to change somebody’s standards why not find someone whose standards are similar to yours? Crazy concept I know.
- You find yourself lowering your standards in order to avoid letdown or conflict. This is bad, real bad. The minute you find yourself watering down the things that mean something to you because it’s “easier” you have just failed at life 101. Stay true to thyself.
- You find yourself or your companion bending the truth or making up false reality for the other person just to give the perception that everything is fine or working out. Open communication at all costs never fails. You may not be hearing what you want to but at least you’re living in reality.
- You find yourself seeking other options although you are still together with someone. Red alert, red alert! If you are doing this you are ready to move on. Don’t be one of those selfish people who tries to hold on to whatever they have with someone out of fear of not finding a better situation. You’re doing no one a favor by doing that.
- You find yourself caring for a person but you’re not in love with them. This is a tough one because both care and love are similar emotions in the sense that they both weigh on your heart. Regardless, when you are dealing with emotion you need to be smart and determine if the emotion you are feeling for someone is feeding your soul, or draining it. Only you know that answer.
- You find yourself numbing yourself with drugs, food or alcohol. Oh boy, this one is tough because this usually means you are making matters worse for yourself. Not only are you trying to force a situation to work by using substances for suppressing your feelings, you are also jacking up your life and inevitably you will have a mess on your hands. This method is hard to clean up and could have been avoided by just pulling the plug on your intimate association with that person.
The list goes on… But you get the idea. Next month, while I am on the subject of “pulling the plug” on a relationship that doesn’t work for you, I am going to write about what I think a proper breakup should look like. I want you to be happy and healthy and most importantly, you!
A big thanks to all of you who have contacted me expressing interest in The Modern Dater Date Club I am assembling for my readers. This is an exclusive dating club for serious daters who are tired of meeting flakes who are not serious about finding a true connection. As we speak, I am planning group excursions for like-minded singles to get together in a no pressure environment that is conducive to having fun, being safe, and enjoying the company of quality people. If you would like to find out more about the dating club you can contact me personally at themoderndater@gmail .com. And if you own a fun, date friendly business or restaurant and would like to be a part of the fun I encourage you to contact me as well.
Until next month, Sheik
