Bring Home To Mom Check List

It’s that time of year daters! That’s right the holidays are here and you have to decide if anyone you’re dating is worthy of meeting your family. Let’s face it, some people are dateable but have no business being introduced to your family. We all know how judgmental family can be and for some reason bringing someone home to meet mom is taken very seriously. I thought I would help out by creating a little check list for you that you can use as a guideline to determine if your date will be eating drumsticks with Aunt Marge or if you should just plan to meet for drinks after your turkey dinner. My rule is not to bring anyone to meet the family unless you’re in a committed relationship but other people are more daring than I so here goes…

1. First impressions are everything and remember how judgmental family is. Make sure your date doesn’t ooze sex appeal. You don’t want the whispers behind your back from the women in your family centered on speculating if you’re dating a stripper (even if she is) or not and you don’t want the men in your family hitting on her or making sexual innuendo.
2. Make sure your date can hold a conversation. There is nothing worse than bringing a date to a family function and all they do is smile, chuckle occasionally and give one word responses when someone addresses them. There is pressure around meeting someone’s family so just make sure in advance that they don’t mind having conversation with judgmental strangers.
3. Do not bring a level 3 clinger home to meet the fam. If your date has to be attached to your hip in order to be comfortable or to avoid having conversation with your drunken uncle it would be in your best interest not to bring them. If your date can’t let you do your thing your family will automatically determine you have a smotherer on your hands who is going to control your life.
4. Do not bring a date that has no problem downing a bottle of wine before dinner even starts. If your date gets all boozed up there is a good chance something could go wrong, very wrong. Like telling your mom that their ex just got released from jail and is trying to find them.
5. Do not bring someone home that can’t put their phone down to save their life. It’s bad enough being on a date with someone who is on their phone all the time texting, checking email, whatever, but your mom will flat out tell them to get off their phone and put it away. The last thing you need is your mom upset because your date is rude.
6. Bring a date that is not afraid to be helpful or get involved. If you are dating someone and you know they are lazy it would be best if you left them behind. The best quality your date could possibly have in a meet the family situation is being helpful. Need help in the kitchen? Want help with the dishes? Is there anything I can do to help? These are all sentences your date should be capable of saying.
7. Make sure your date has a job or is doing something productive with their time. Unemployed dates are about as unappealing to families as using the bathroom after your dad. Inevitably your date will be asked what they do for a living and if they don’t do squat they will be treated like they have leprosy for the remainder of the evening.
8. Bring a date that is socially aware and that will talk but know what to say. Nothing worse than bringing a date that wants to prove to your family that they know you better than your family does. There are some things that your family doesn’t need to know about you.

If you follow those guidelines you should be fairly safe and have a good time. In fact let me suggest that you cut this article out of the paper and have your potential date read this and agree that they can live up to these standards to ensure there will be no problems. I will even provide a small agreement for them to sign at the bottom.

I ____________________ agree to the terms and conditions that I have just read and promise I will abide by the preceding guidelines set forth by the Sheik to ensure I won’t embarrass you in front of your family at Thanksgiving dinner.

Signed ____________________________

Date    ______________________________

Happy Thanksgiving!

Your pal, Sheik