I get a lot of mail asking me to do a follow up article on Internet dating, specifically Match.com. A few years back I wrote “The Dos and Don’ts of Dating on Match .com,” right here in my column in the GCCC that got a lot of attention. That article is so popular, when you Google the title it pops up on the first page of the search results. Check it out if you have the time.
A lot has changed (format wise) on good old Match.com since I was a member years ago, except surprisingly a lot of the faces remain the same. I’m not entirely sure if that’s because match.com doesn’t delete expired membership profiles or if there are slew of lifetime daters on there. I’d guess it’s a mixture of both. Regardless there is a plethora of singles ready to mingle — maybe too many. I say too many because I can see how the abundant amount of daters on Match.com could be overwhelming and consuming for those who are looking for an immediate connection.
Ladies, I have no idea how to navigate match.com as a woman so I guess this article is for the guys. Although I know my female readers are nosey as hell, a curious bunch who will want to read this anyway. Guys, the following are just a few thoughts that I have on what I’ve found to be effective while I’m clicking through the vast sea of love starved Internet daters. Remember the same dating rules apply on the Internet as they do in real life. If you think you’re going to attract a different “type” of woman just because you’re on the Internet, you’re not. Water finds its own level, and so do men and women.
- Don’t expect a message back from every woman you contact. In fact if they’re not interested in you they will just plain ignore you. Match.com has this nifty little feature that allows you to know if a lady has read the message you sent them. DO NOT email a woman more than twice if she has read your correspondence and never replied. She’s not interested in you! Move on to greener pastures where you’re not spinning your wheels.
- Ride the cocky/confident line the best you can. The simple sweet, I’m a nice guy approach goes nowhere. I can imagine there are a lot of guys on Match who are just trying to find the flavor of the day so it’s very important to try and ride the middle, or “cockident.”
- Don’t put too much time in reading profiles. Here’s why, you look at a woman profile and you’re getting into it. You’re looking at all of her pictures, you’re reading everything she wrote about herself word for word, you’re really putting some effort into getting to know her first so you can contact her with something witty pertaining to her. Sweet! You found a gal you’re into because of her profile, you’re even imagining a couple of dates with her in your head, and you’re into her, email her! She doesn’t even respond. Instead look at basic things in her profile like pics, age, education, whatever is important to you on a basic level then shoot a quick email to her. If she responds then read her profile more in depth. There are too many women on Match to invest your time until she expresses interest in you.
- So what do you say to a woman in opening? I have found it effective to comment on one of her profile pictures. Don’t comment on her necessarily, comment on something she’s doing or something else that’s interesting in the picture. Don’t you dare hint sexual innuendo right out of the gate. That’s sure disaster. Comment on her dog, where the picture was taken, you get the idea.
- Always end your correspondence with a question. It is easy to lose someone even if you’ve been talking to her back and forth a few times. Remember women get slammed with tons of guys trying to get at them. Their email is abundant. You need to make sure she feels a need to immediately react to your email when she reads it. That’s why having a question in your email is important. She is more likely to follow up with an answer to your question rather than come up with a retort to a statement you make to her. Here’s an example: “I had the best dinner last night at the most amazing restaurant in Denver. They had the best food, amazing drinks and they gave you a foot rub while you ate.” She might read that and want to respond but in her mind there in no urgency… She can read more email and circle back later, she might wait to come up with something witty and respond later, she might have even decided she was done talking to you. But you’ll never know because you didn’t ask her a question. Now she is talking to 10 other guys and forgot all about you just because you didn’t end your email with, “have you ever gotten a foot rub at a restaurant?”
I could go on forever here but my words are limited to under a thousand. I’d be happy to take any specific questions or feedback if you want to email me at sheikofcherrycreek@gmail.com. Enjoy the beginning of spring and get ready for a killer event I’m throwing on May 21. Stand by for more info!
Your pal, Sheik!
