With Apologies To Dion
Has anybody here seen my old friend Cory Gardner? Can you tell me where he’s gone? I thought I saw him walking up over the hill with Bob Beauprez, Walker Stapleton and Bill Owens.
It’s been brought to my attention by many callers, text messengers, emailers and supervisors at 710 KNUS radio that I am being perceived as very anti-Republican Party and Senator Cory Gardner.
I plead guilty to all. But how, may I ask you, in God’s good name can you support that organization or that individual? The Republican Party or Cory Gardner. The last time any Republican won a statewide election is when Cory Gardner beat former Senator Mark Udall. That was the equivalent of stepping on baby chicks. He beat Mark Udall. Wow, there’s an upset. He sure showed him.
Now arriving on the greyhound bus from Iowa, John Hickenlooper after leaving some poor stooge’s porch in Des Moines. That’s right, the man who doesn’t want to be senator but will be, John Hickenlooper. I feel like Mick in that first great Rocky movie. I’m gonna teach Cory Gardner how to fight.
So, Cory pay attention.
The first thing you have to do is to take your political party, Trump it up, put some teeth in it, get away from every country club up and down the front range, get out of the Beemer, Mercedes, or whatever else you drive. Get yourself a nice Chevy Blazer, get you some cowboy boots with lifts in them and learn how to punch. Walk tall Cory. Start going to Custer County, Larimer County, Las Animas County and tell those folks out there you oppose red flag. Tell them you don’t like that sex ed thing where a third grader is taught how to put a trojan on a banana. You don’t want anyone getting free needles and getting heroin injection sites by their First Baptist Church.
You’re more than willing to drink that fracking fluid. Popular vote arrives from Satan. Dismissing our right to be counted in a national election is Jared Polis destroying the popular vote and is a tool of one of Satan’s imps. Oh, and a better one Cory boy is John Hickenlooper on ending homelessness. The great leap forward, glorious people end homelessness which is continued now by the illegitimate son of Wellington Webb, Michael Hancock. So, Cory, this ain’t that tough. I bet you never took your mom to a porno flick. Make a point of that.
How many of your close friends and donors were on the Players and Sugars list and scandal. Put a little Trump in your spine. Sanctuary city. For God’s sake Cory the whole state’s getting overrun and Hick gave them drivers’ licenses. Please quit talking about China trade wars, it’s meaningless. You’re not getting any help from the Bush family and the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, are you?
Just to put a little bit of icing on this. I have personally done four fundraisers for Jack Phillips at the Masterpiece Cake Shop. I have never seen you or any other elected Republican stop by and put $20 in the hat. That’s a disgrace not only to you but the party you claim to be part of. Big question State Republican Party and Cory Gardner? How do you really expect this to end?
Right now pal, I got Hickenlooper and a lot of points. You’re going into the championship rounds and you’re way behind on points. Call me if you need any help. Contact me at 710 KNUS. I’ll be glad to become your trainer and get you back your man card. If not, good luck with that next job working for Norm Brownstein. So I can tell you where Cory’s gone, he’s gone into another one term Republican never-was-er.
— Peter Boyles
