If 2023 Was A Fish I’d Throw It Back

If 2023 Was A Fish I’d Throw It Back

Blasting With Boyles

OPINION

This is not the column I first wrote for this edition of the newspaper. Originally, I was going to write about the Israel/Gaza conflict. In fact, I did and decided this was simply not the time and place to give people a history lesson. I had another working topic for the column, and last night it dawned on me I haven’t given thanks or gratitude for anything in most of my adult life. And, 2023 has been one hell of a year and there are so many people and so many things I’d like to give thanks for this time of year.

It became really apparent to me I haven’t stopped and thanked people or, for that matter, given thanks for how lucky I really am.

Christmas is all wrapped up in traditions that really came from the pagan beliefs, and I have always rejected everything involved in the seasons, and now this year it really is important to say to a number of people thank you for virtually and literally saving my life.

In spring of 2023 my health took a really sudden decline, and I ended up hospitalized for nine days. I had a blood infection, passing blood, my heart was out of rhythm, I gained a tremendous amount of water weight, and my dear friend and physician Dr. Julie McCallen took one look at me and put me in the hospital. I was there for nine days. Dr. Nelson Prager came in for the rescue, and when I was dismissed, like I do every year, went to Sturgis. And my experience in Sturgis, was arrhythmic heart, and I was hospitalized in a little small hospital in Sturgis, South Dakota. I had to sign a waiver, and was driven back home, and again into the care of Dr. Prager. I went into the hospital and came out with a pacemaker. When the wheels really came off me in Sturgis, Vinnie Terranova, Ken Deal, and General True Eyere got my motorcycle loaded up and my friend Yvonne drove us all home. Friends and people like that don’t come around all that often.

I’m watching my daughter, who’s the toughest person I know, reclaim her health. I have a wonderful grandson who hopefully doesn’t follow in my footsteps, but it looks like it may happen, and my son and daughter who looked after me beginning in the spring until now, thank you. My weight is back down, I’m in the gym seven days a week working at levels with the lifecycle and weights I never was before, and I had a great 80th birthday.

In 80 years, I don’t think I’ve ever turned around and said thanks to anybody, and going into 2024 with a big project ahead of me, and my family doing very well, and my friends I love, and I’ve never looked at anybody and said thank you. I always figured that prayer, “Give me this one, Jesus and I’ll get the next one on my own.” I don’t think it’s an awakening but it sure as hell was a cattle prod in my rear end. I constantly and in different websites see old pieces of my life, old radio hands, and the death toll is mounting.

And I just want to say I’m really looking forward to the coming Christmas season. Not for religious reasons but it simply marks that magic time that I see through my grandson and that I remember as a little boy.

Especially to the Chronicle and Salem Broadcasting, and all those physicians, and most recently Dr. Tim Watt, I say thank you all very much. And so many other people thank you very much and Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Let’s see what’s around the next corner.

I feel like that final Calvin and Hobbs classic cartoon when they’re both on the bobsled in the white snow and they talk about going on an adventure. Everything from here on out is going to be an adventure.

— Peter Boyles

The Island Of Misfit Toys – The ­Colorado State Republican Party

The Island Of Misfit Toys – The ­Colorado State Republican Party

OPINION

The Colorado GOP is the answer to a question that nobody asks. There’s been an amazing transformation in the last 10 or so years inside the state of Colorado. The GOP has not won a major statewide election since 2016. So, what does that say when the past performance of any entity pretty much defines the future? And what is next for the misfit toys?

Let’s look at their lineup. In this corner, Lauren Boebert. Congresswoman Lauren Boebert apparently not only is capable of not telling the truth until shown on video but then trying to explain her actions in a very bizarre way. She’s been making headlines again and not for the normal things you see politicians making headlines for. When I first met her, she was an advocate for gun rights and the kinds of things that made basic sense to me and then we’re off to see the wizard. Lauren and her Beetlejuice boyfriend after denying — she wasn’t vaping, and they weren’t doing the laugh in the dark — and then the video emerges on KUSA, and she really starts to look tragic. And then it was discovered her boyfriend was having drag shows in his bar. Way to go Lauren.

My next favorite misfit toy is Tina Peters, former Clerk in Mesa County. She was arrested by the Grand Junction Police in 2022. State investigators attempted to execute a warrant, she goes off the leash and now has been found guilty on obstruction of a government operation. Goes on to ignore any state orders, makes that appearance at the Mike Lindell symposium, and said state officials raided her when she was fighting for the truth of the election.

This misfit toy also was the recipient of a Mike Lindell, who has to be on Colorado’s misfit toys list, donation as he allegedly gave her up to $800,000 to help quote “stop the steal” and defend herself. He of course had no business doing that either.

How do folks like these two first remain as darlings of this party?

Next Ken Buck. I was amazed when he voted to unseat the Speaker of the House only then to turn around a few days later and threw the vote the other way. Normally on the island you would expect Boebert to vote to unseat and Buck would vote to retain. Not so fast on the island, it was the exact opposite. He is now known as CNN-Ken apparently with a clear pathway in front of him and is still on the island.

For your dining and dancing pleasure, I present Jenna Ellis. She is now being charg­ed with violation of the Georgia RICO Act and something called solicitation of violation of oath by a public officer. How did she end up with the great legal minds like Rudy Giuliani and the kraken Sidney Powell? It makes the state of Colorado proud.

The same GOP bringing Kari Lake in for the Centennial Dinner. Come on, Dude. Kari Lake?

This folks, is your GOP. My father once said to me, “You couldn’t hit yourself in the ass with both hands.” I think that applies to the Grand Old Party. What does the future bring? Tragically, it brings more progressive gun grabbing, and in your life, telling you what to eat, where to go, what to do, that the Democrats offer. I plead with GOP chair Dave Williams — stop the madness.

Take care everybody, the beat goes on.

— Peter Boyles

The Island Of Misfit Toys – The ­Colorado State Republican Party

With Apologies To The Late Jimmy Buffet, A Pirate Looks At 80

Blasting with Boyles

Opinion

As most of you read the October edition of the award-winning Glendale Cherry Creek Chronicle, I will either have turned 80 or about to become 80 years of age. I can’t get over that, and neither can a lot of my associates, friends, in-laws, and outlaws.

For God’s sake how did I get to be 80? Years ago, I had heart surgery and when the surgeon and his team looked at my health history, I proudly proclaimed no one in my family dies of cancer. To which they retorted no one in your family lives long enough to get cancer.

The things that I’ve thought so much about these last couple of months, having had a couple of pretty major health scares myself, and now, of course, with grandchil­dren of my own, still with one foot in the radio business, being able to spend time with Chuck and Julie and Mark Smiley, I somewhat remain active. Back in the gym, looking forward to ski season, but for Christs’ sake, how can I be turning 80?

As I say in my prayers, “It’s me God, Peter Boyles, one of your favorite people.” How did I get to 80. And all of the people that I respected and loved and, in many ­cases, despised and hated are now gone. I can cite names of wonderful radio disc jockeys and talk show hosts, newspaper columnists, tel­e­vision news anchors the likes of Bob Palmer, Bob Martin, Alan Berg, Hal Moore, and Charlie Martin. Columnists like Gene Amole, John Coit, they are now gone and as the Wiffenpoof said, “And forgotten like the rest.”

One thing is for sure it’s been one hell of a ride. Been fired off of jobs, hired on to jobs, married and divorced more than once, gained my sobriety, was in a couple of car wrecks, rode motorcycles with some pretty amazing characters, went to rodeo school and bucked out bulls, jumped out of airplanes, and had my last couple of fights in the ring. And now 80 looms.

I believe that there are people who work for insurance companies that are sort of like bookies, but they’re betting life ­expectancies after all the things I’ve done to my body. I can always envision one sitting next to another in a big office in New York, and giving the other guy the elbow and saying, “Look at this joker we got in Denver. What are the overs and unders on him?”

When you read what the great minds and philosophers and historians tell us about our lives, some people live them big, and some live them small. Living life big doesn’t necessarily mean good, and living small has its own rewards. I think a lot about my dad who was gone at 63. Most of his brothers went out young as well. Now I’m gonna be 80. This just isn’t fair but I’m not sure to whom. I remember a time in my 30s doing radio where I had the answer to any question any caller would ask. Now I don’t even know what the question is. I don’t know if that’s wisdom or dementia. But for God’s sake, don’t let me turn into Joe Biden.

Happy birthday to me.

— Peter Boyles

The Island Of Misfit Toys – The ­Colorado State Republican Party

Another Piece Of America Is Gone

OPINION

John Bandimere and Peter Boyles

We’ve seen the final Mile High ­National Drag Races at the legendary Bandimere Speedway. After all of these years and all of the racing that took place, John Bandimere, by the way one of the best guys I’ve ever known, announced that piece of American drag racing in Colorado is over.

There was a time in my life that I think I could have eaten grease. We knew cars. Chronicle publisher Chuck Bonniwell and I have many times talked about our love affair with cars and both of us remember car dealers making big deals about the new models that came out in the fall. The local Chevy dealer, A to Z Chevrolet on Allegheny Boul­­evard, would cover the windows with newspaper and say how many days before the new models were revealed. And it was a Saturday, and they would tear the paper down, and we’d be all lined up in the street to see. Car magazines like Car and Driver would come and we seriously studied the ’57 Chevys versus ’57 Fords.

Last Sunday I went to a car show, believe it or not, in Fairmount Cemetery. A perfect place. There were ’58, ’59 Cadillacs, Broughams, convertibles, and such wonderful automotive products like Larks, Gremlins, and the ever-popular Dodge Dart. Who bought those?

We were carheads and we talked about cars, and I’ve said this on the television show that I did with John Bandimere. One of the guys that I grew up with, we’ve reconnected. His name is Tom Holmes. His dad owned the Atlantic gas station and tragically passed away young. Tom was a tough kid and now we talk and one of the questions I’ve pondered is, who did we look up to? Who did we, in the early ’60s in Pittsburgh, look up to? The kid with the cooler car. And Tom and I have asked each other what was it that we wanted when we graduated from high school and we wanted a nice car, mind you, not a new car. A girlfriend and a little bit of money in our pockets. Not $10,000 in the bank, or a hundred dollars in your wallet.

We would have been more than happy. But it had to do with having that car.

I actually had a 1955 Chevrolet convertible. And I saw one at this car show and you instantly trip back to that time period.

And Detroit knew to put a beautiful wo­man in their car ads and she was known as “the promise.” “You buy this car you’ll get this woman.” And she always had on a prom dress or a one-piece bathing suit in high heels. Go figure.

And you wonder why all these guys that are my age are nuts today.

And now I think it’s coming to an end. The greens hate internal combustion, they intensely dislike automobile racing on any and all levels.

I had the ability at one time to tell you any car I saw on the road — what engine was in it, what year it was, and who made it. Today in parking lots they all seem, I hesitate to say this, they all look alike to me. We have a running gag how do you tell a Tesla driver? The answer is don’t worry he’ll tell you. I’m still driving a pickup truck and getting a new motorcycle and going out to get louder pipes for it, the legendary neighbor hater pipes.

It’s sad to see the end of an era. Both of my children drive sensible cars. One of the things I can say when Tom and I were kids, nobody had a sensible car. In the words of the legend Chuck Bonniwell, “I never had a sensible car till I was 50.”

So long John Bandimere, goodbye to a golden era.

— Peter Boyles

The Island Of Misfit Toys – The ­Colorado State Republican Party

He Has Good Color

OPINION

This is one of the few times that I’ve had arguments with myself on what to title our award-winning column that appears here in the Glendale Cherry Creek Chronicle. I first wanted to call it The Organ Recital. Next, I wanted to dub it Polishing the Brass on the Titanic. And I settled on He Has Good Color.

When my father passed away due to a massive third heart attack in Saint Margaret’s Hospital in Pittsburgh, there was a waiting room with a gaggle of women whose husbands had had cardiac arrests and were probably waiting for the Reaper. But they always made a point of going in and looking at the other women’s husbands and coming back offering words of encouragement, “He has good color.” And that poor old bastard would go climb Space Mountain by the next day.

I just had a very frightening medical ex­pe­rience. Mind you I’m pushing 80, as legendary biker builder Jeff Decker said to me, name another person who has a radio show when they’re almost 80, and all I could think of was Bob Hope.

I’d been having a very hard time physic­al­ly these last couple of months and for what­ever reason I was choosing to ignore it. What I didn’t realize at the time, I was headed into congestive heart failure.

I’ve always been very close to Dr. Julie McCallen at Cenegenics. She’s been such a wonderful healer in my life but has taken semi-retirement. She was in her clinic on a day that she wasn’t really supposed to be there. In fact, she was supposed to be in Europe. I pretty much had enough of my hard time functioning and went to see the folks at the clinic and lo and behold, Julie McCallen was there. They sent me immediately to the ER.

The publisher of this newspaper and I share, and have dubbed him, “cardiologist to the stars,” Dr. Nelson Prager. Dr. Prager and the staff at Medical Center of Aurora, after a nine-day stay, really did put together a diagnosis of everything that was going on with me.

I can’t fix cars anymore. When I open the hood of the truck or look at a motorcycle engine I’m totally baffled. But there was a time when we could do points and plugs and oil change, a new condenser, and we could do our own tune-up in the backyard,

I firmly believe that all of us do need that tune-up and I’m lucky I caught mine in time. Things look good.

The next thing I realized is with my ­inner circle of friends, I’ve dubbed it the organ recital. A group of men, we used to talk about women, politics, music, sports, using intoxicants, of­ten times illicit. Now it be­gins with, “How’s your liver? How’s your colon? How’s your heart and are you breathing well enough?” We’re reciting the conditions that our organs are in. And hence, as Patsy Ramsey wrote, it’s the organ recital.

And finally, when my daughter picked me up from the hospital, and I got in her car, and we’re driving home I said to myself, “Am I just polishing the brass on the Titanic?” I’m clearly on the back nine.

I made even more changes in my life ,and something that I never thought I would do — I ordered a three-wheeled motorcycle. And I’m gonna live forever. I’m gonna learn to fly. And we can’t make Denver and Colorado politicians crazy if we don’t have this column and a weekly radio show.

I dodged a bullet and once again I call myself the luckiest guy I’ve ever known.

— Peter Boyles

The Island Of Misfit Toys – The ­Colorado State Republican Party

If You Like San Francisco Give Denver Another Year

Johnston

Former Colorado Democrat Progressive State Senator Mike Johnston is now the Mayor of Denver. Did anybody really take the time to look at the promises that this man made on ending homelessness?

One of the great things about this moment in time is we’re saying goodbye to undoubtedly one of the worst mayors in the history of Denver, Michael Hancock. The growth of crime, filth, rot, decay, and principally homelessness, and its two handmaidens crime and drug abuse, skyrocketed under Hancock.

The tremendous damage that was done to the Denver Police Department occurred under Michael Hancock. If you can remember back with us when we were at KHOW Radio, and we first exposed his involvement in Denver Players and Denver Sugar, only to watch the massive cover up by almost every branch of Denver media. The things that he did with women on the staff, but more so the greater effect of what he did to Denver itself.

So now moving into the job is Mike Johnston who, like John Hickenlooper, said he was going to end homelessness. But tightening the noose there ain’t no 10-year plan. This is a one year I will end homelessness plan. Does anybody in their right mind sucking air believe that? And what are the alternatives if he doesn’t? Another 11 more years as Mayor.

Not that I was shocked because Kelly Brough crowed that she worked for Hickenlooper the creator of all this nonsense to begin with, and that she was good friends with Bill Ritter. Why would you tell anybody that? At long last, Kelly, have you no shame.

Now Denver chooses a guy that had been the principal of a school and a classroom teacher. Isn’t the teacher’s union one of the mainstays of why people are mad at Denver? So, here’s a question. Whose side is he on? My educated guess is if you pay the band you get to tell them what to play. We’re in a really bad place.

Denver has to be the only place outside of Ukraine where you have a victory parade and people shoot each other. And a firetruck runs over a cop.

Didn’t you all think it was really interesting how the TV outlets were playing this down as though the shootings really didn’t happen or the cop didn’t get run over because of the happy Nuggets news? And the beauty of it is that team had been up for 24 hours and they were dead drunk.

And so here we are. Do you honestly believe that Denver, Colorado, is better off now than it was 12 years ago? And if you answer yes to that question, than you seriously need help. Get back on the meds quickly. And we know the direction the city is going in. And if you think this guy Mike Johnston is going to bring the city back to the salad days of Bill McNichols and early days of Federico Pena there’s just not a chance in hell.

Unfortunately, Candi CdeBaca, an avow­ed communist will not be around to help.

­— Peter Boyles