by Peter Boyles | Nov 19, 2021 | Blasting with Boyles
evil Santa Claus grimaces and scares a terrible face on a dark background
The jolly old fat man who broke into my father’s house every 24th of December left me with nothing but disappointment. Why did Santa always know I needed new underwear and socks? I was gypped. Where was the pony with the saddle on it so I could look like Roy and Gene? Heavy disappointment has always followed me through the holidays. Because now I’m in contact with Bad Santa.
He’s got a list of naughty and nice and there’s not much nice. He will be visiting the homes of the following and putting the following items in their stockings:
Governor Polis. Coming down the chimney at the mansion careful not to wake the children, a copy of Tax Returns For Dummies. Hint, hint.
Mayor Michael Hancock. Santa’s mind boggles at the amount of things that could be placed in Mikey’s carefully hung stocking. A divorce decree, a one-way ticket out of town during a no fly without a mask, and slip out the back door and move to Florida when this whole fiasco ends.
Senator Michael Bennet. Santa doesn’t know where to hang the stocking. By the way, he hasn’t seen much of you or Senator Hickenlooper. Part of Santa’s job is to know where people are to know if they are naughty or nice and as Santa said to me about their whereabouts, “Peter, it beats the hell out of me.” So perhaps they caught a break.
Tay Anderson. There’s a guy that Santa really has a case against. Santa has figured Tay out. Tay is running the long con. Tay, in the lexicon of organized crime, is a good earner. Santa predicts Tay will stuff his own stocking with a plan to replace Rep. Diana DeGette.
Kyle Clark. An unlimited amount of pomade for his hair, a little hair dye, and a certificate for $500 at Kohl’s men’s department. Geez Kyle, some of those sport coats my Grandma could have made into a quilt.
Councilwoman Amanda Sawyer. A dead horse’s head in the stocking for her and her Emerge sisters for scheming to destroy 8th Avenue and its residents.
To media mudslinger self-important gadfly Jason Salzman. Truth serum.
But Santa would like to recognize some of the good little boys and girls:
Like Ted Trimpa and Arash Mosaleh, America’s fun couple. The gift of love and happiness.
The Mayor of Glendale, Mike Dunafon. A huge thanks for developing Glendale. Santa loves Glendale. In particular he loves to go to Shotgun’s after all the toys have been delivered.
Tom Tancredo. Santa sends all of his love to the best politician Colorado’s ever had. Santa loves Tom.
Rep. Lauren Boebert. Santa wants to give her a couple of boxes of .45s.
Santa misses John Elway and Pat Bowlen. Santa has limited time for local television news and doesn’t even know where to park his sleigh.
Santa likes Mandy Connell. Santa listens to Mandy every day. Santa’s grateful for being able to dodge lawsuits for another 12 months.
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night, and have a merry multi-cultural Christmas.
— Peter Boyles
by Peter Boyles | Oct 22, 2021 | Blasting with Boyles
Only a few things in the ’40s and ’50s media ever affected me as a little boy. One thing that was for sure, I would never end up working in radio. But my memories about that golden time are pretty significant. One of my earliest memories is my sister, and my grandma, and my mother, and myself, marching around the breakfast table to Don McNeil’s Breakfast Club. The television shows that really influenced me were I Love Lucy, You Asked For It, Science Fiction Theater, and, of course, Superman.
It’s been announced that the original Superman motto of “Truth, Justice and the American Way” has been been ditched.
So now the super motto is “Truth, Justice and a Better Tomorrow.” Doesn’t that sound like Stalinism? “Glorious people build glorious tomorrow,” or “glorious people build new hydroelectric dam,” or in the case of DIA, “glorious people build glorious airport.”
Now old Superman really had an impact on me until, of course, I discovered my uncle’s collection of Playboy magazines, and the first time I ever kissed a girl after a baseball game. But Superman was all of our alter egos. I wore those Allegheny County welfare glasses and there were many times I wished I could have ducked into a phone booth and come out and kicked some big kid’s ass. But George Reeves was Superman. And Bud Collyer was Superman on radio. These people meant something and now…. a better tomorrow?
There is another part of this and by now I’m sure you’ve heard Superman’s son is bisexual. His name is Jon Kent. On October 11, Jon Kent, Superman’s son who wears the iconic “S” on his shield, came out as bisexual. As you well know, I too am bisexual. All the sex I get I buy. So, I guess it’s sort of a modern world. But the American way? Have Joe Biden and Kamala Harris killed the American way? Have Jared Polis and Michael Hancock killed the American way? Who can my grandson look up to?
The bisexual part doesn’t bother me a bit. It’s that American way thing. As you know when those young guys Joe Shuster and Jerry Siegel invented Superman in the Spring of ’38 they were staring down the barrel of the Nazis. They were using professional wrestlers and body builders and they were going to keep the bad guys away from America.
I think it’s too late. The bad guys are here. I was also saddened to hear that they were going to build a better tomorrow. As Nancy Reagan said when Barbara Bush said that they were going to have a kinder, gentler American, Nancy quipped “kinder and gentler than who?” We’re going to build a better tomorrow. Better than the greatest generation? Better than the men who stood at Valley Forge? Better than the men at Gettysburg? Better than the young men and women who gave their souls in Southeast Asia and Iraq? A better tomorrow? Yeah? Look up in the sky.
— Peter Boyles
by Peter Boyles | Sep 24, 2021 | Blasting with Boyles
In the last seven mon
ths of the award-winning radio show career, I’ve been called any or all of the following: a drug addict; an alcoholic; a democrat, ouch that one hurt; homosexual, which given my lifetime of dating straight women might be worth a try; and the worst person in talk radio history in Colorado. Can you think of some people who are getting a break on that one?
In the past I have been: the biggest racist in Denver radio, when I began to ask questions about Obama’s life story; a full-blown commie or pro Saddam, when I questioned weapons of mass destruction; destroying the life of a wonderful women i.e., Jon Benet’s mother; and harboring very wealthy men who had sex with women for money in Denver Players and Sugar. So, I’m fairly used to being abused.
But we have now crossed into new territory. This is what historians call new cut road.
I stole the column title from Tom Wolfe. He wrote about the Pump House Gang and Kool-Aid Acid Test.
So today to be a talk show host in Denver, especially working at the station I work at, you have to have the following pedigree. Number one, Donald Trump won and this whole thing has been stolen. Number two, Donald Trump won and this whole thing has been stolen. Number three, Donald Trump won, etc.
And if you don’t qualify, you can’t play. The facts somewhat speak for themselves. The Pump House Gang gathered in Pueblo to begin to destroy themselves one more time.
They overwhelmingly rejected the idea of opting out of the open primary and then voted to sue themselves over something they had already agreed on. Can you find the elephants and giraffes in that picture?
Folks. We must stop the people who want to bring you heroin injection sites, schools without defense, i.e., armed security guards. We have to stop the craziness of the homeless plight, the state being run by developers and bond daddies, banks, and other fat cats.
A line must be held and, believe me when I tell you, you won’t believe the stuff that’s coming down now. The party hacks have to face the Kool-Aid test. Did Donald Trump win or lose. That question will be asked by media, by their opponents in the Democrat party. If they say yes, Donald Trump lost, their throats will be torn out by the werewolves in the GOP. If they say no, their throats will be torn out by the vampires in the Democrats.
Halloween is coming. To the Democrats and the GOP: trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat. To rational thinkers everywhere, we’re doomed. But ski season starts soon. Go Broncos.
— Peter Boyles
by Peter Boyles | Aug 27, 2021 | Blasting with Boyles
T
he best example I can ever give anybody about Joseph Campbell and his mythology of the hero who goes through various adventures, renews himself, and reappears in the end as the hero or the savior is Luke Skywalker in Star Wars. He fulfills the entire narrative of Campbell’s so-called The Hero’s Journey.
In his book, Joseph Campbell’s Hero With A Thousand Faces, he believes there is a principle in mythology whether it’s the life of Jesus, Ulysses, Moses, Muhammad, or King Arthur. We all read the mythology, Campbell called it the mono myth.
What I witness now is the emergence of the new church, the true believers, the people who in the French Revolution always addressed each other as “citizen,” or the Bolsheviks who addressed each other as “comrade.” Now we call one another “patriot.”
Donald Trump has assumed the role of savior and martyr. People like Sidney Powell, the kraken, the unsavory version of Mayor Giuliani, the court jester Lynn Wood, the acting pope Mike Lindell, and the runaway bride Jenna Ellis. They’re the cheerleaders in the mythology part of a religious trust. Mike Lindell has become a spokesperson for the rapture. Those of you who follow that form of Christianity know the day Jesus returns true believers will automatically disappear, cars will be empty, airplanes will fall out of the sky, and radio talk show hosts will disappear.
Now we all remember the rapturist in the 19th century, Reverend Miller in Georgia, who took all of his followers wrapped in sheets up the mountain for the rapture and it didn’t happen so they became Seventh-day Adventists.
Lindell first said the rapture would be August 13, but has now declared the rapture has moved to before New Year’s Eve of 2021. Lindell would make Joseph Campbell proud. The important part of this is the falling of the wayside of all the original members of the church. Giuliani, Powell, and all the rest who have been discredited. Lindell has kept the drive alive. New saints and martyrs appear daily but ultimately Campbell is right. The journey must end. I had the opportunity to meet Campbell prior to his death. His structured stories on what he called the mono myth have been repeated in Christian churches, Jewish temples, Islamic mosques, Samurai legends, Arthurian legends, and people we need to create to keep the drive alive. Campbell knew he stood alone. Let’s play ball.
— Peter Boyles
by Peter Boyles | Jul 23, 2021 | Blasting with Boyles
Twice now in my lifetime, I’ve witnessed the end of senseless, ridiculous, long-term generational wars fought by my country, only to come to senseless, ridiculous conclusions. What’s more frightening about all of this, as we’re writing the column today, is the cry of the hawk. “We have to stop the mullahs from getting a bomb.” “We gotta confront the Chinese and the East China Sea. We have to confront Putin. And arm the Ukraine. For God’s sake we have to defend Taiwan.”
What have these people earned in the cost of the war in Afghanistan, and the end of the insanity of Vietnam? In southeast Asia they can only guess at the body count. The agreed upon cost in 1970 dollars was over a trillion and we continue to pay for the destroyed lives of the young men and women sent into southeast Asia.
Now Afghanistan. The cost of Afghanistan in lives and dollars. The 20-year mission comes to a conclusion as the helicopters are pushed off the decks of aircraft carriers, the American GIs leave Bagram Air Force Base in the middle of the night without telling the Afghans they are leaving. I watched General Scott Miller relinquish his command in Kabul. The data is frightening. No one knows again how many Afghans died and the cost to those peoples’ lives. The agreed upon number depends on who you listen to. Another trillion, and considering the continued death toll in Iraq, the lies of Bush and Cheney.
Remember, Johnson had the Gulf of Tonkin where there’s no evidence to support the American destroyers were fired on that night. Colin Powell and the UN talking about the yellow cake uranium. There’s no evidence of that. Bush and Cheney saying we must attack Afghanistan knowing full well the murderers of 9/11 had long gone into being protected by our gallant allies the Pakistanis.
The cost will continue, the price of the lives of these young men and women, the price of past tombs, Shia and the Sunni. Bush appearing in the media being upset about pulling out of Afghanistan. These people have no shame.
And the same on-airs, and the same elected politicians, the same columnists and the same war mongers now continue to hear the scream of the hawk. Let’s go again. Generations of Americans will have to pay this off.
The Two most important speeches ever given by any American president were: George Washington’s farewell address, warning of foreign entanglements; and Dwight Eisenhower, warning of the military industrial complex. This great danger is to the American forces’ fine young men and women, who will be paying with their lives, future health care disability, and the suicide numbers. 1.6 or 1.8 trillion. Another amount offered up. Those costs will peak. Who wants to go again? I fear these people.
— Peter Boyles
by Peter Boyles | Jun 25, 2021 | Blasting with Boyles
For all of us that were raised in the late ’50s and mid-’60s television era, remember Rocky the Flying Squirrel, also known as Rocky and Bullwinkle? Inside of that show was a cartoon feature, Mr. Peabody and Sherman, who would get in the WayBack machine and they would visit historic events. As a little history geek, I loved that segment even though I knew it was far from the truth. And now as I age, they were more on the money than I knew.
Since we’re into the cancel culture now, social justice warriors, political correctness, and witch hunting, I thought how much fun it would be to get into the way back machine before we had to deal with what we have to deal with today, a bunch of 23-year-old witch hunters demanding to see the manager.
When I got in it, I took with me headlines and issues from 2021 in the United States of America knowing full well this would floor Mr. Peabody and Sherman, so let us begin.
- Singer calls us a broken nation demanding race be codified and redesigning the American flag.
- Illinois city cancels Fourth of July Parade but allows Juneteenth and gay pride celebrations.
- College lecturer says, “I’ve dreamt about unloading a revolver into any white person who gets in my way.”
- New Jersey school district removes the names of all holidays from school calendar.
- Denver teacher’s union was told of allegations against Tay Anderson two years ago and apparently helped fund his campaign.
- Joe Biden confuses Syria for Libya not once but three times in one sentence.
- Faith leaders rally in support of Park Hill safe camping site. Keep an eye on that one wrestling fans.
- Biden administration asks Americans to report potentially radicalized friends and family members.
- A Denver judge says the State of Colorado can force a Christian man to violate his religious beliefs.
- The View has a strange explanation why CNN’s Jeffrey Toobin should not lose his job over a public sex act.
- New Zealand weightlifter becomes first transgender athlete to complete in the Olympic games.
- Transgender BMX rider says if she wins an Olympic medal, she’ll burn the American flag on the podium.
- And last but not least, the majority of Republicans still believe the 2020 election was stolen from the the 2020 election was stolen from Donald Trump.
On a more serious note, can you name the nation, state, a country, or a government that allows the things that are happening to our culture, our language, our literature, and our Constitution that has survived or ended at a good place?
Watch the skies.
— Peter Boyles
