Why Do I Date?
Why do I date? Well obviously I’m a single, red blooded American male and of course I want to date. I mean after all, a man’s gotta eat, right? But why do I date? Does anyone else ask themselves this question or am I alone on this one? Just like Family Feud, let’s put the top five answers to
the question on the board! Here is what most people would say if you just pulled a single person aside and asked them straight out why they date and insisted on an immediate answer.
Try this experiment; it’s actually fairly telling. The first thing you’ll notice is that they will give you the dull stare of the dairy cow, not because they think the question is weird, they just genuinely don’t know. Next you’ll see them quickly regroup and regurgitate a manufactured response.
Without further ado, here are the top five responses that you’ll hear when you ask someone “Why do you date?”
1. To find the love of their life.
2. To have fun and adventure with someone.
3. They want a family.
4. They like the companionship of another person.
5. Hit it or quit it.
Of course there are a ton more responses to that question but I think you’ll find those are the top five. Believe me, those are fine responses to the question and each and every one of those replies could be very valid. Could be, but on the flip side of the coin they might not be.
Here’s the problem with dating: the majority of people have no idea why they are going out on dates. Most people set up and go out on dates just to see if there is “chemistry” or to see if they “like” the other person. But who really has time for that? Not me.
Here is where it gets a bit confusing but if you can follow my thought process here I think I can save you a lot of time, money, energy and aggravation while you’re weeding through potential dates. Let’s just say you’re a guy that is just dating to have fun and you make plans to meet up with a woman who is looking to get married and start a family. Well there is a good chance you may hit it off with her, have chemistry and you may even continue to date because of that chemistry but what have you accomplished? Well in my eyes nothing. You’ve inevitably set yourself up for failure and sometimes that failure won’t rear its head until the shine wears off the apple. Now you’re saddled with broken presumed expectations, potential heartbreak and starting the dating process over again until you stumble onto someone who is looking for the same thing at that point in their lives. Again one of the most confusing parts of this equation is even if someone tells you why they are dating they might just be telling you what they think you want to hear in order to further their own agenda. Whatever it may be, people are sketchy that way, especially when you’re dealing with strangers.
So how do you go into a date with someone and know their purpose for dating? Do you flat out ask them before you agree to meet up with them and take that stranger’s word that they are being forthcoming and that they have actually put some thought into why they’re dating? Do you wait to actually go on a date and have the conversation over drinks and/or dinner? Do you just play it cool and let it play out and hope by getting to know them you will eventually find out why they are dating? What do you do, or do you even care?
Personally I am the type of person who prefers the path of least resistance. I don’t have time to toy around with my personal life and leave my romantic life to hope. You know, “I hope I meet the right person on tonight’s date,” “I hope my date and I have a lot in common,” “I hope I meet the one tonight.”
Here is what I suggest you do. First, look out for yourself and control what you are able to. You are able to have a real long, meaningful talk with yourself about your own purpose for dating. Establish your answer in your mind — the answer to the question, “why am I dating?” Be honest with yourself, this will help you. This will help you become a dater with a purpose. Next, don’t rely on anyone else to be as mindful about why they are dating because truthfully most people haven’t got a clue why they are in the dating rat race other than just seeing what’s out there. Put the onus on yourself and be a proactive dater and communicate your purpose for being on the market. Using that approach does a few things.
1. It takes the pressure off your potential date to have to answer an awkward question that they may or may not have the answer to.
2. Knowing your purpose for dating and telling that person up front leaves no room for cloudiness in their mind about what you’re looking for and now the choice is theirs to stick around or bail.
3. There are no future surprises or let-downs once you’ve initiated your agenda, especially if they agree they are on the same page and down the road you have to cut it off because things aren’t developing in the fashion in which you set forth to find while you’re dating.
In conclusion, know why you’re dating and be up front about it. People’s lives and feelings are at stake here. There is nothing more heartbreaking to me than to see couples in relationships that have to end in months, maybe even years later because neither person laid out how they envision their futures up front. This is the elephant in the living room when it comes to dating and most people don’t want to address it in fear of scaring someone off that they initially have chemistry with.
Dating is filled with emotional decision making but please, use logic and truth when you take the time to ask yourself “Why do I date,” and don’t be afraid to tell people. Goodness forbid you may actually find someone on the same page as you right out of the starting gate. Let the dating begin!
— Sheik