Cory Gardner — Rumor has it, this is straight out of Ripley’s Believe It Or Not, this sock puppet is thinking about running for governor. For God’s sake, stop now.
Ken Buck — As they said in the Marlon Brando classic, On The Waterfront, a one way ticket to Palookaville, for being the only state in the country that the blue wave actually hit. Good job State GOP.
Lauren Boebert — Who has emerged as the face of the real Republican Party. Went up to Mount Rushmore, met Donald Trump, showed up at a fundraiser I went to this summer packing a gun. You go, girl. In my world you are the face of the Colorado Republican Party. But they will cut her throat just like they did Tom Tancredo’s.
Jared Polis — What do you give a man who has everything and has a lock on a second term if those GOP idiots really do run Cory Gardner. Let’s find another Coors brother, Walker Stapleton, Bob Beauprez, Bruce Benson, or some other stooge that would never be seen wearing a Trump hat. Good luck.
Michael Bennet — Will he and John be roomies? Hope you’re not challenged by Lauren Boebert. But see what we’ve said about the Republican Party. Don’t worry dude, you’re safe.
John Hickenlooper — Thank his lucky stars that hard hitting Cory Gardner never put up any resistance to defeat the weak sister of the Democrat Party himself. Dude, you caught a break. Welcome to the U.S. Senate.
Tay Anderson — How in the world do you think all of the antics that you’ve pulled in the streets of Denver have anything to do with educating the children and grandchildren of Denver? The spotlight is not the place for an educator, but I repeat myself.
Kyle Clark — Are you and the missus going to be cooking the Christmas goose for the armed security guards who protect you from the dumpster burning, dangerous Trump supporters? Man, that’s laughable.
Susan Cordova — the just resigned Superintendent of Denver Public Schools. One-way ticket to Dallas. Have a nice day.
Colorado Republican Party in general — In the words of Joseph Welch to Joe McCarthy during the McCarthy hearings, “At long last, have you no shame?” What this Party needs is a major infusion of testosterone, growth hormone and gunpowder.
Patrick Neville — One of the hopes of the Colorado Republican Party. But don’t worry folks they will shipwreck him as soon as they can.
Ted Trimpa — Aka the Sword of Soros. Great year, my friend. Thank you, all the best.
Your Denver Broncos — The team that continues to buy Harvey Steinberg new cars.
John Bandimere — A great man who had a very hard year. He deserves our Merry Christmas.
Your Local Health Departments — It is amazing how we place tremendous power in the hands of so few and in the words of Winston Churchill, never have so many been screwed by so few.
Candi CdeBaca — Is she Denver’s future? Does Denver have a future? And truly how can it be worse than Michael Hancock?
Michael Hancock — Now that you’ve screwed up the mayor’s job for everyone else… Congratulations.
CDOT – RTD Combo — Seriously how do you screw up everything you touch?
Mayor of Glendale, Mike Dunafon — Job well done. Ever think about running for governor?
Denver Police Chief Paul Pazen — That junior G-man kit. The gift of the truth that someday you’ll tell people where you were hiding the day Antifa thugs beat people up in Civic Center Park. Shame, shame, we know your name.
Brother Jeff — For years and years of appearing on the radio station with me and pissing off the Mile High City, you da man.
Beth McCann — For you and the mister, a can of fire starter. Let’s see if this guy ever does a day.
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.
— Peter Boyles
