We’ve all been there in our dating lives — at the point where nothing seems to work and your self-esteem spirals like Alice down the rabbit hole. There are many variables of how and why this horrible mindset of doubt can creep in to your mind and body and start to consume you. This mojo draining phenomena will affect your ability to network in the dating world properly.
Maybe you’ve gained some weight or you’re working through health problems. Maybe you’re working through an injury or personal body image issues stemming from aging or myriad reasons. You might be getting out of a long-term relationship that took a toll on your mind and body leaving you “relationship fat,” or worse, lacking self-worth. Whatever the case is, if you’re not feeling confident about your mind and body, STOP dating!!
Better yet, I forbid you to date! Remember I always say, water seeks its own level and I believe people do too. If you are struggling with the types of things I just described now is no time to market yourself to other human beings. I am aware how difficult it is not to reach out to people when you are at your worst or struggling, but believe me when I tell you that you have to, at least in a romantic way, in order to soften the loneliness or feel better about yourself by being around someone who is as miserable as yourself. I understand misery loves company but you’re just wasting time that could be used to fix yourself, and worse yet, that miserable company may never go away.
Here’s what needs to be done. I call it dating lockdown. As painful as it may be you need to go into survival mode which is a lot like safe mode upon startup of your personal computer. Starting your computer in safe mode allows your computer to start Windows only to search for errors and prevent further damage. Dating lockdown is similar in a sense that you are allowing yourself to go into a mode of thinking that will force you to introspectively take emotional and physical inventory and disallow you from doing any further damage to an already dire situation. Let’s face it, no one is getting any younger around here. The more time you waste accumulating rings around your tree trunk being single, the less viable of a catch you become to the good ones out there.
Here are some things to keep in mind when you’re on dating lockdown…
- Dig deep and fight! There is a reason people get depressed and many time psych drugs are not the answer. The body has so many survival mechanisms in place it’s astonishing. There is probably a reason you get sad when you look down and can’t see your feet. The answer to the root of your sadness isn’t a pill; the answer is getting rid of your big fat gut so you can see your Nikes again. By no means am I asking you to be perfect, just be in the best physical shape you that you can be so you are confident about how you look and feel. Sometimes this can be a battle, but a fight worth having nonetheless. The rewards pay dividends in many aspects in your life. Not just romantically.
- Ask yourself this question… Are you a good person to be around? If you were looking to spend time with someone would you choose yourself? I’m guessing if a lot of us were being honest we’d say no. Do you have people’s best interests in mind or do you do things that only benefit you? Are people’s thoughts and feelings safe with you or do you use them to pass judgement or use them against someone at a later time?
- Do you have the ability to live for the future and learn from the past rather than having your past drive your future? This is important, I’ve spoken to countless people who are “unable” to do certain things because their past forbids whatever the present may hold, a challenge or otherwise. Just make sure you’re healed enough from your past so that when you are dating again you’re not stunting someone else’s growth because of your personally unaddressed limitations.
- Are you an overall happy person? I know it sounds cliché but no one will ever make you happy until you’re happy with yourself. How tragic would it be that by some dumb luck you did meet the love of your life but you had no idea what to do with them because you’re not happy with yourself. To me there is nothing more heart breaking than finding someone you have a mad connection with but you’re in two different times in your life.
Dating is like playing cards. It’s all in the odds. When you play cards don’t you want to make every move possible to ensure that hand you’re holding has the best odds or greatest chance of being the winning hand? Give your dating life the same odds for success and stack your deck by doing the hard things it takes to be a viable dater, or just human for that matter.
October date tip! Ask a lady to carve pumpkins with you. Women love doing fun crafty things that remind them of their childhood. Two pumpkins, one bottle of wine and a couple of candles.
Happy Halloween!
Your pal, Sheik
