Here I am, 43-years-old, never been married and I don’t have any kids. When I was 30 that bachelor status was cool, in fact, it was a positive selling point when it came to my bachelor résumé. Now fast forward 13 years. That very same status that I wore as a badge of honor has become “there must be something wrong with this guy.” “He must have commitment problems.” “His window to have kids has closed.” “Greg is going to be a lifelong bachelor.”
How did my superior bachelor status not change, yet go from being cool to creepy? How did my not having baggage turn into BEING my baggage?
Time did it, that’s how. The only thing that changed is I am older now. That’s all, my age has changed. Just like the movie Back to the Future, what kind of advice would the 43-year-old Greg give to the 30-year-old Greg if I could fire up the Flux Capacitor in the ol’ DeLorean and travel back in time?
The answer to that question is… A lot! Here are the top words of wisdom I would offer to my younger self.
- Don’t be Captain Save-a-ho! For some reason I have spent most of my adult life trying to heal wounded women. If there was one time killer that took up a huge chunk of my “viable” years it would probably be choosing to engage with ladies that were in a different period in their life than I.
- Know when to call it good! Uncle, I give up. I wish I would have said that more. I wish I had so much of the time I wasted trying to make bad good. It’s a common mistake. I think people naturally don’t want to just throw something away they have put effort into. In retrospect, I think you will agree it takes much more effort to keep a relationship on life support alive than it is to cultivate a new one.
- Be more selfish! Don’t take this the wrong way. I’m not saying not to be kind to people and be generous, quite the contrary. I am saying stay true to your basic needs, that make you happy and who you are, and don’t let anyone EVER chisel away at that, especially in the name of “love.” True love would always want the best for you and encourage you to find happiness within yourself and allow you to feed the hunger and that which you crave.
- Go get what you want! So often I have been my worst enemy and have sabotaged myself romantically. I know the “type” of woman that would be great for me and I know what I’m attracted to. So why wouldn’t I focus and go get that woman? Probably because when I think about what a great woman that would be I start to doubt that she would want a guy like me. Self-doubt can be a huge stunt to achievement and growth.
- Don’t be afraid to be alone! The pros and cons to being alone. The pros: you are light on your feet, you can be open to a good situation if it presents itself, you don’t have to answer to anyone, and you can date multiple people and see what works best for you. The cons: you’re alone.
- Trust your gut! I’m telling you, gut feelings are usually spot on. If you are in a situation that just doesn’t seem or feel right … it probably isn’t. Don’t waste time on people that have no room in your future.
- Know when you’ve reached Mecca! Grass isn’t always greener on the other side. When you find someone that makes you happy and who promotes your growth in a positive way hold on to them. Life isn’t about giving someone your time; it’s about finding someone you enjoy spending your time with.
It’s crazy how time can work for and against you. Trust me when I tell you it’s better to have time on your side. I know I’m not 100-years-old yet but my window for what I want is narrowing and I never thought it would. I am full on single right now so it should be interesting what the next few years have in store for me. I am going to do everything in my power to be the best person I can be to hopefully attract the kind of woman I desire. The time to date smartly is now, for all of us. Keep it real out there!
Your pal, the Sheik
