by Valley Gadfly | Mar 25, 2016 | Valley Gadfly
“April showers bring May flowers.” We’ve all heard the rhyme at some point. It’s the popular thing we say this month. It can be traced back to the mid-1500s. In 1557 Thomas Tusser compiled “A Hundred Good Points of Husbandry” (art of horticulture). In the document’s April section he wrote: “Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.”
This is the month when guys and gals start stylin’ and profilin’ by pulling out those bright and patterned outfits they have been waiting to wear for months.
Here are our bright bouquet choices for shopping, dining and entertainment so the weather won’t make you gloomy, whatever the weather or whether we like it or not:
3 Just as days of uncertain weather capture a frame, Robert Anderson Gallery’s show titled Unexpected Developments casts a montage of dreams you’ll want to see, April 1-May 14. Information: 303-257-0684.
3 You’ll be singing in the shower after seeing Sondheim’s musical Sweeney Todd at the Stage Theatre, April 8-May 15. Information: 303-893-4100.
3 Follow the footsteps of the fading dustbowl during Denver Symphonic tribute at Boettcher Hall April 9, 7:30 p.m. Information: 303-871-7720.
3 Warm rainy mornings or cool sweaty days by enjoying the food, drinks and solitude at Platform T. Information: 303-756-1464 or 303-777-5687.
3 Begin the dog days of summer at Denver Dumb Friends League’s Estate Planning Seminar April 12, 11:30 a.m. Information: 720-241-7151.
3 You’ll be stylin’ and profilin’ once you’ve repaired, revived, restored and refreshed your wardrobe of spring things that are hiding in the closet at Bonnie Brae Cleaners on University Blvd. Information: 303-733-6529.
3 Pop the cork on spring at the annual wine tasting event Lowry Uncorked in Eisenhower Chapel April 22, 6-8:30 p.m. Information: 303-344-0481.
3 Enjoy a splash of laughter as comic Lily Tomlin showers the Paramount Theater with hilarity April 23, 8 p.m. Information: 303-893-8497.
3 Discover the Valley’s shiny spots by exploring Denver’s unique and stylish indoor and outdoor spaces. Doors Open Denver gives you the opportunity to explore the City’s historic and artistic feats of architecture and design, April 23-24. Free self-guided and fee-based guided tours are offered to 69 sights. Twelve new buildings are showcased plus there will be arts and culture activities at 10 sites. Information: 720-898-5900.
“April showers bring May flowers” is a reminder that even the most unpleasant of things including April’s heavy rain can bring about enjoyable things such as a wealth of May flowers. Sara Teasdale said it best: “Yet the back yards are bare and brown with only one unchanging tree — I could not be so sure of Spring, save that it sings to me.”
On those days when you’re trapped inside by rain take time to drench in showers of solitude. It’s time to take a moment and dream of the endless colors of a rainbows.
It is commonly assumed that the first day of spring is one thing, and the first spring day is another. Nevertheless, this is the month when we all catch spring fever. As Mark Twain explained the malady, “When you’ve got it you want – oh, you don’t quite know what it is you want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so.”
— Glen Richardson
The Valley Gadfly can be reached at newspaper@glendalecherrycreek.com.
by Mark Smiley | Mar 25, 2016 | Feature Story Bottom Left
I get a lot of mail asking me to do a follow up article on Internet dating, specifically Match.com. A few years back I wrote “The Dos and Don’ts of Dating on Match .com,” right here in my column in the GCCC that got a lot of attention. That article is so popular, when you Google the title it pops up on the first page of the search results. Check it out if you have the time.
A lot has changed (format wise) on good old Match.com since I was a member years ago, except surprisingly a lot of the faces remain the same. I’m not entirely sure if that’s because match.com doesn’t delete expired membership profiles or if there are slew of lifetime daters on there. I’d guess it’s a mixture of both. Regardless there is a plethora of singles ready to mingle — maybe too many. I say too many because I can see how the abundant amount of daters on Match.com could be overwhelming and consuming for those who are looking for an immediate connection.
Ladies, I have no idea how to navigate match.com as a woman so I guess this article is for the guys. Although I know my female readers are nosey as hell, a curious bunch who will want to read this anyway. Guys, the following are just a few thoughts that I have on what I’ve found to be effective while I’m clicking through the vast sea of love starved Internet daters. Remember the same dating rules apply on the Internet as they do in real life. If you think you’re going to attract a different “type” of woman just because you’re on the Internet, you’re not. Water finds its own level, and so do men and women.
- Don’t expect a message back from every woman you contact. In fact if they’re not interested in you they will just plain ignore you. Match.com has this nifty little feature that allows you to know if a lady has read the message you sent them. DO NOT email a woman more than twice if she has read your correspondence and never replied. She’s not interested in you! Move on to greener pastures where you’re not spinning your wheels.
- Ride the cocky/confident line the best you can. The simple sweet, I’m a nice guy approach goes nowhere. I can imagine there are a lot of guys on Match who are just trying to find the flavor of the day so it’s very important to try and ride the middle, or “cockident.”
- Don’t put too much time in reading profiles. Here’s why, you look at a woman profile and you’re getting into it. You’re looking at all of her pictures, you’re reading everything she wrote about herself word for word, you’re really putting some effort into getting to know her first so you can contact her with something witty pertaining to her. Sweet! You found a gal you’re into because of her profile, you’re even imagining a couple of dates with her in your head, and you’re into her, email her! She doesn’t even respond. Instead look at basic things in her profile like pics, age, education, whatever is important to you on a basic level then shoot a quick email to her. If she responds then read her profile more in depth. There are too many women on Match to invest your time until she expresses interest in you.
- So what do you say to a woman in opening? I have found it effective to comment on one of her profile pictures. Don’t comment on her necessarily, comment on something she’s doing or something else that’s interesting in the picture. Don’t you dare hint sexual innuendo right out of the gate. That’s sure disaster. Comment on her dog, where the picture was taken, you get the idea.
- Always end your correspondence with a question. It is easy to lose someone even if you’ve been talking to her back and forth a few times. Remember women get slammed with tons of guys trying to get at them. Their email is abundant. You need to make sure she feels a need to immediately react to your email when she reads it. That’s why having a question in your email is important. She is more likely to follow up with an answer to your question rather than come up with a retort to a statement you make to her. Here’s an example: “I had the best dinner last night at the most amazing restaurant in Denver. They had the best food, amazing drinks and they gave you a foot rub while you ate.” She might read that and want to respond but in her mind there in no urgency… She can read more email and circle back later, she might wait to come up with something witty and respond later, she might have even decided she was done talking to you. But you’ll never know because you didn’t ask her a question. Now she is talking to 10 other guys and forgot all about you just because you didn’t end your email with, “have you ever gotten a foot rub at a restaurant?”
I could go on forever here but my words are limited to under a thousand. I’d be happy to take any specific questions or feedback if you want to email me at sheikofcherrycreek@gmail.com. Enjoy the beginning of spring and get ready for a killer event I’m throwing on May 21. Stand by for more info!
Your pal, Sheik!
by Peter Boyles | Mar 25, 2016 | Blasting with Boyles
If you recall several months ago here at Glendale’s Daily Planet, I wrote a column about how $63 million collected by John Hickenlooper and Michael Hancock, in the plan to end homelessness, has disappeared. When that happened almost a year ago, Denver City Auditor Dennis Gallagher said, after auditing the program, “Denver’s Road Home, they cannot determine that the $63 million had any impact in reducing homelessness.”
Au contraire, it’s had an enormous impact in bringing more and more homeless people to the Mile High City. The auditor is quoted as saying we don’t even know how many homeless there are in Denver. The only thing we know for sure is that we spent all the money. John Hickenlooper got the plan off the ground in 2005 telling the citizens of Metropolis he would end homelessness in 10 years. Now, in addition to the $46 million allocated by the city, people donated more than $17 million over the last 10 years. So all you have to do is drive around and see the results of those millions of dollars.
Now do you understand why the National Park Service won’t let you feed the bears in Yellowstone Park? Two principal things immediately start to happen. One is you get more bears, and number two, those bears become reliant on picnic baskets to eat. So now all you’ve got is more bears reliant on more people to take care of them.
It’s also called the bird feeder. You go into your back yard, take your bird feeder (or take $63 million and buy a bird feeder), and fill it up with birdseed. Next put another bird feeder on your deck, in a tree and one on the backyard fence. Then see every day that they’re chock full of nutritious bird seed. Give that about 10 days and Alfred Hitchcock could make a movie in your backyard. Give it another 10 days, you’ll have squirrels, tomcats, weasels, skunks, and if you live far enough west, that’s right, bears. So then what do you have to do? You have to call exterminators, you have to call Fish and Game, and you have to call the cops.
Here’s a wonderful Fox 31 headline, “Denver to clear homeless camps,” are you starting to get the picture? Like your backyard, the city of Denver is taking back its sidewalks, clearing areas around Park Ave., Lawrence St., and other parts of the city. Calling it an unsanitary and unhealthy situation, these homeless camps — you gotta love that — just like the ones you kids went to in the summer . . . “Mommy, Daddy, can I go to homeless camp?” Denver is now cleaning up the bird feeders.
To make things even better, the city has also introduced really, really cool mobile toilets, which I am told fully servicing costs around $16,000 apiece per month, and they’re going to park them around the city from noon until midnight. Each unit will be transported out of the neighborhood each night, cleaned and restocked. I love the picture that they used to promote them, “Hickenpooper Johns,” of a little girl in a ballet tutu climbing the stairs to use the homeless potty.
I know once these are firmly entrenched there will be no drug deals, no one’s going to get beat up, no street sex is ever going to happen inside, and, of course, every mommy is going to pull the SUV over to let little Muffy or Buffy run up and use the potty with Chester the Molester hiding around the corner.
Now after all of this insanity, here comes the beauty, Denver officials have unveiled an $8.7 million social impact contract aimed to rehabilitate 250 people. Now divide 250 into $8.7 million, I have friends working 70 hour work weeks that don’t get that kind of money, and are living their lives and paying their taxes.
Then the next one that comes on the heels of that load of bird seed, another $24 million in federal grants has been awarded to homeless projects. It’s a HUD grant, and most of the money will come to Denver as a federal grant. The Denver Post called it an award. All it really is, is another way to waste money on something that’s already been wasted.
Albert Einstein has been believed to have said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Welcome to the monkey house.
To follow up on the public toilet plan, Seattle, Washington, another homeless Mecca, wasted millions of dollars on a public toilet plan because they became ground zero for drug deals and other abuses.
Right around the corner from the Lawrence St. campground, near and dear to my heart, is Step 13, started by the late Bob Coté. The place is neat as a pin, nobody camps, everybody works, and everybody stays sober.
One of the victims of capitalism was standing there as the city workers tried to clean up Michael Hancock’s and John Hickenlooper’s mess, holding a sign that said “Where can I go?” The answer is there were seven empty beds at Step 13 that day. About a block away all he had to do was stay sober and get a job, and he had no intent.
Bob Coté used to say, “They’re killing these people on the installment plan.”
So when you hear or read about a homeless man found stabbed or frozen to death, or alcohol or drug related deaths, thank the Mayor or Governor for killing them on the installment plan.
— Peter
