by Mark Smiley | Sep 29, 2014 | Feature Story Bottom Left
It’s sad that I have to start out my column this month by warning those of you who are easily offended or so politically correct minded that this article may upset you. If you are either of those types just do us all a favor and stop reading now. For the rest of you, carry on!
This month I have been doing a lot of self-reflecting about some of the different “types” of women I have dated over the years and I thought it would be fun to illustrate a few examples. Please keep in mind I have dated and been in relationships with well-adjusted women who don’t fall into any of the categories that I have created. But let’s face it, writing about those women would just be plain boring to read. Also keep in mind I am not singling out women just to single them out. The fact of the matter is that I am not homosexual
and my dating experiences come from women, plain and simple. So ladies, I am sure you have some “types” of guys that you and your girlfriends have labeled as well and I would love to hear about them and include them in my next column if you email me at the moderndater@gmail.com.
Ok, now let’s get to the good stuff. Here are a few “types” of women that I have dated. Remember some women may possess a bit of each one of these but I am going to break them down by naming them individually.
Ms. Damaged Goods: This poor soul has been wrecked by life and relationships and she has no idea where to begin picking up the pieces. By nature she is sweet to a fault and that is a huge component to why she is so damaged. Personally I am touched by these women because my heart wants them to feel healed and ready for life but in my experience it is too hard to help them without it affecting my life in an adverse way.
The Daughter: Ok, now don’t be a perv, this is not an incestuous situation. Let me explain. Many men, including myself, like to date women our junior for many reasons. I’ll save that explanation as to why for an entirely different article. I have always said I feel like I raised three or four different women because it is natural for me to share my life experiences with them when I see them making obviously poor choices that I have already gone through in hopes that I can spare them some aggravation from making the same mistakes. Needless to say this is never good in the long run because the roles turn into more of a Father — Daughter relationship than an equal partnership. It’s fun in the beginning though!
The Mother: God bless this woman. Every man loves a caretaker and the mothering type does a great job. She is there for support, advice, stability and just great for an overall soft place to land. The only problem is I’m not physically attracted to you, but I do like the comfort so I have to be careful dating this type when I see it working toward that role.
The Man Hater: Guys, you know this woman. This lady has to have a man in her life yet she hates every one of us and she isn’t afraid to vocalize it. I think the Man Hater started out as Ms. Damaged Goods and just never put it together.
The Man Eater: I find this woman all the time, probably because she’s a challenge. This woman has it together and knows she can play men like a fiddle. She is smart, sexy, and secure in herself and puts out a “I don’t need you” energy and she usually gets whatever she wants when she wants it no matter what she has to do to make it happen.
The Stalker: What can I say about the Stalker that you don’t already know? Just because you eliminated her from your life doesn’t mean she’s gone, in fact, she’s everywhere. She combs through your social media to try and stay up on who you associate with and what you’re doing, she tries to remain in contact with your friends, she makes sure to pop in on you via text, phone and email even though you’ve made it clear you don’t want further contact. This can actually be a very scary thing to deal with.
The Groupie: The ladies are actually very sweet. I don’t care if you’re in show biz or not we’ve all had a groupie. This girl adores you and you can do no wrong and is similar to “Couch Girl” who I’ve written about in the past. She is just a fan of you and she will do just about anything you ask. Don’t mistake her for the Stalker because she actually has your best interest in mind. Be good to her.
The Man Molder: This woman is not dating to find you; she’s dating to find someone who fits an idea in her mind. I have been seeing quite a few of these women as of late for some reason. Whatever notion of where she should be in her life is what she is after. She may be ready to be married or have kids or just have a man to have a man. Forget getting to know each other, whatever is in her mind is what she will want you to be regardless of who you are or what you want. This woman scares the bejeezus out of me.
I could keep this going forever but my column is only allowed to be so long so I have to stop here. I do want to hear about the types of people you date, man or woman, just email me! Lastly don’t forget about my new Modern Dater Club where viable Colorado daters meet up to go on fun excursions together that are prearranged and hosted by me. The first outing will start with a happy hour and then a limo ride to a cooking school where singles pair off and rotate while we assemble a feast that we will all partake in at the end. Super excited to introduce “Circle Cooking” to you and if you would like more info on how you can be a part of this exclusive club just email me or hit me up on www. the moderndater.com. See you there!
Your pal, Sheik
by Mark Smiley | Sep 29, 2014 | Feature Story Middle Left
Apple announces the iPhone 6 and 6Plus. Did you hear? If not, you live under a rock. The Samsung readers can skip this section. You’ll probably chuckle knowing the iPhone is almost to your feature level. Thinking about getting a new iPhone? Hop in line and grab a Snickers since 10 million went off the shelves in the first two weeks. I would recommend ordering online. Should you upgrade? Why not? My recommendation is always to try out the new device. Head over to the Apple Store and play around with the phones. You may find the 6Plus to be too big. You’re almost placing an iPad Mini to your ear to make calls. Some of the highlights: Larger than the current iPhones, 6 is 4.7” and the 6Plus is 5.5”; thinner, lighter with longer battery life (we’ll see about that one); and, faster focus for camera with clearer pictures.
For those not upgrading their phones, Apple released the newest operating system, iOS8, or as I call it, “iOS The Ocho.” This upgrade offers some benefits such as, Apple Wallet, which allows you to use the device for payment as you would with your Chase credit card; heart rate monitor and activity tracker; a smarter Spotlight index; a more educated keyboard guess ahead functionality; easier method of adding pictures and voice to text (remember when we used to use the phone to talk?); and, Mac users can operate between their device and computer.
An important note about upgrading, once you do so, there is no turning back to a previous version. Don’t worry. If you don’t like “The Ocho,” there will be another release next year. The upgrade can be performed using wifi. Like any Apple release, there is a gotcha. This is the gotcha, you’ll need 5Gb of free storage space on your device to upgrade. Click on Settings> General>Usage to display the available storage. The download file is 5Gb, however the file will take up — 1Gb after the full download is complete. It needs the storage availability to perform the download. An alternative is to download the file through iTunes and upgrade the device while connected to your computer. You will only need — 1Gb of available storage to upgrade in this manner. As always, back up your device, save your pictures and glance through your apps to check for data that may be lost with the upgrade. Never assume everything will be as it was before upgrading to “The Ocho.” On a lighter note, if you are in the market for a new phone, but do not wish to carve out the $199 for the 6, check out the iPhone 5c 8Gb (free) or iPhone 5s ($149).
What to do with those pesky old phones that start filling your storage after you upgrade? Look into trade-in programs with Best Buy, Target and Amazon. There are sites that offer cash for phones, such as Gazelle and Glyde. Donate them to cellphonesfor soldiers.com or ncadv.org. There are many places to receive a trade, cash or to donate your phones. Other ideas? Clear off your data and load child friendly apps for your kiddos to use. Baby monitor with Cloud Baby Monitor. Home monitor and video with Presence. Navigation tool with heads up display for your windshield using Hudway. Or keep it handy as a video recorder, personal organizer, a camera, send email or surf the web at Starbucks instead of using the battery of your actual phone or music storage. Remember, your old device is still usable even if you are no longer paying for cell phone use. They are wifi devices.
Cool Apps
Workboard… manage a team or part of a team that often has tasks, goal and action items? Check out this app that shares your goals, list the action items, action item owner and status. Real time visibility. Great tool! | Unsplash… a free high resolution photo site with permitted used from originating photographers. The site is not easy to search, however the photos are clean and clear for inserting into documents, websites and presentations. | Powtoon… a free cartoon creation site, which seems to be the latest marketing rage. Maybe an interesting spin v. Powerpoint or a complement to your presentation. | Piktochart… creative slide site. Can you tell I spent a number of hours creating presentations and researching content in September? | How about a fun one? Now the 20 somethings will need to Google the word, “typewriter,” for this next app called Hanx Writer. It was created by Tom Hanks, yes the actor. He apparently is a typewriter collector. This app turns your iPad keyboard into a typewriter, including the “ding” at the end of a line. Ding!
How are you, and or your business using mobile technology? Are you using this technology to entice new hires to join your company? Are you eliminating hardware and going cloud? Has it allowed you to hire employees from outside your area? I’d like to hear your story for a future column.
Do you have a favorite app you’d like to share? Contact Brian at brian@brianzabro ski.com, on Twitter @BrianZab or LinkedIn at www.linkedin.com/in/brianzab.
Brian, a Corporate Account Executive with NetSuite, has spent nearly twenty years in the telecommunications and software industry. Businesses use NetSuite software to run and manage all of their business applications. It’s web-based, so businesses can access their information from anywhere; It’s flexible, which allows the software to be customized for their business; and, it is built on a single platform, which businesses appreciate since they can often eliminate multiple software solutions. Trending companies, such as Box, GoPro, FitBit and Dropbox use this software to run their business. Reach out to Brian to learn how your business can benefit with this software.
by Valley Gadfly | Sep 29, 2014 | Valley Gadfly
This is the month of monstrous peril: Grave robbers, ghoulish experiments, scary costumed creatures and flickering jack-o’-lanterns. Halloween is outrageous and yet we love it. Like Frankenstein, through the gloom we see the “creatures” yellow eye open and its limbs begin to twitch. Each October we again become archetype mad scientists.
To enjoy Halloween you need a big imagination and a scary spirit. It captures something fundamental about our evil, suppressed rage and disturbing dark impulses.
Through troubling dreams of monster-haunted suspense, here are our choices for shopping, dining and entertainment to fill you with fearful fun and fairy tale fantasies:
3 Select monstrous pumpkins while enjoying fantastic fall family fun at the Pumpkin Harvest Festival in Four Mile Historic Park Oct. 4-5, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Make crafts, dance to live music. Information: 720-865-0800.
3 Feast on mega stereo systems and latest headphone technology at Audio Fest in the Marriott Tech Center Oct. 10-12. Information: audiofest.net.
3 See 13 exciting new art sculptures being installed this month along Havana Street — 6th Ave. to Dartmouth. Information: 303-360-7505.
3 Catch the regional premiere of the family life drama The Outgoing Tide at Lowry’s John Hand Theatre, Oct. 10-Nov. 5. Information: 303-562-3232.
3 Being unnerved by your car’s slipping or leaking transmission? Don’t be spooked, take it into locally owned AAMCO Transmission on West Alameda for a maintenance special to unmask problems. Information: 303-462-2626.
3 Transport your taste buds to India and enjoy the exotic and authentic flavors at Little India. Information: 303-871-9777 or 303-298-1939.
3 Enjoy Colorado Symphony’s zany musical Spooktacular with costumed musicians at Boettcher Hall Oct. 26, 1 p.m. Information: 303-623-7876.
3 Sink your teeth into Colorado Ballet’s gothic horror drama Dracula playing at the Ellie Caulkins, Oct. 31-Nov. 2. Information: 303-339-1630.
3 Escape the Halloween funk for a night and take in the John Denver Tribute in the Buell Theatre at the DCPA Oct. 25, 7 p.m. Enjoy the music of John Adams and his nine-member band. The performance celebrates the Wilderness Act and features John Fielder’s wilderness photographs. He has chosen images to marry with 24 John Denver songs including Rocky Mountain High and Annie’s Song. Information: JohnFielder.com.
Most of us are fragile characters. Our ordinary thoughts can be grandiose and delusional. Truthfully we are often cowardly, fearful, spineless and weak. Yet during the Halloween season we are “galvanized” into sudden activity like a jolt of electricity. We develop a carnivorous appetite that is scary, stomach turning and spine chilling.
The shock is that this season can also be a quest to understand what life actually means. What makes human existence more than the low hum of an electrical connection?
Eek, this is the month when you can be “anything” you imagine. Maybe that is what this freakish, wacky season is all about: To remind us to be audacious, impulsive and daring and not get trapped in the everyday routine of our “normal” identity. Akin to Frankenstein inventing the safety match, this could be the time for striking successes.
— Glen Richardson
by Peter Boyles | Sep 29, 2014 | Blasting with Boyles
Cary Grant, Age 70
Maybe you can relate to this column, except if you have been happily married for 45 years, in which case you are the human equivalent of a unicorn.
I always described my mother and father’s marriage as being like the Vietnam war. They fought every day until they forgot why they were fighting but continued battling on anyway. I’m a big fan of Hank Williams Sr., who in the legendary country song Mind Your Own Business, declared: “Me and my old lady got a license to fight.”
I have long joked that I can’t do math and I can’t do marriage. This is not the Courtship of Eddie’s Father or Sleepless in Seattle. I can’t get it right. The protocols and practice of dating I think vary with each relationship to where you live, how old you are or whether or not you drink.
Back in the old days one of my many mantras was, “I can drink her pretty.” Or again, another country legend, Mickey Gilley’s Don’t the Girls All Get Prettier at Closing Time. I was a whirlwind at that. I couldn’t miss. There were degrees to my drinking. One of the levels arrived about nine o’clock on Friday nights when in my mind I became Robert Redford. I became bulletproof until about one-thirty in the morning when I became invisible. That worked well then. That was then, this is now.
How many really cool singles places are there for guys my age? I tried the websites. My personal favorite is bikerplanet.com, where you want to take her with you in case there’s a bar fight. I love these women, they’re my dear friends, but it’s not my idea of a partner in an intimate relationship with eyes on the future. I also gave millionaire.com a shot where everyone is a liar. But, if I had millions stashed away, I wouldn’t have to work so hard for a date.
Also, there’s the Christian singles but for a practicing pagan like myself that leaves me little room. I looked at OurTime.com but these people were born well before the Japanese hit Pearl Harbor.
I’ve tried them all and I’ve given up on matchmaking services, family as matchmakers, Ouija boards and TV shows.
Some of my friends are seeing women in their 20s. Their so-called “nieces.” We have talked about downtown Denver hotels where you can see older men saying goodnight to their “nieces.” But I think that’s a little over the top.
As guys approach septuagenarian status they like to see themselves as being Cary Grant squiring around Dyan Cannon, except they are not Cary Grant. Plus Grant and Cannon were reportedly miserable together. She divorced him before he even hit the big seven zero.
This is a quandary. I know there are many men and women my age who feel like this is the last chapter of “What’s the use.”
How do you go about being a single guy or gal in this part of our lives? I have a homosexual friend who once said to me. “Nobody loves you when you’re old and gay.” I think that’s true for straights, too.
So if you have any suggestions, let me know. We could make a fortune because I know a lot of people out there who share in my dilemma.
I have therefore decided to forget about relationships and I am going to take the time I would otherwise have devoted to dating and building a relationship to helping others. There are lots of vets from Iraq and Afghanistan with physical disabilities, PTSD and TBI that could use some support that the VA is not providing. Moreover, there are going to be a lot more on the way with our latest insane Iraqi/Syria incursion.
There are also plenty of recovering alcoholics and drug addicts down at Step 13 who, as they say, need a “hand up and not a hand out.” I have found helping others is the best way to stop worrying about myself. Moreover, you never know who you might meet when you are not looking. As the inestimable Scarlett O’Hara so pithily stated, “After all, tomorrow is another day.”
— Peter
