“You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.” With the passing of rock legend Glenn Frey I couldn’t help but revisit the Eagles playlist on my podcast. The lyric I opened my article with always rings in my head for various reasons but mostly it’s a lyric I interpret as someone who checks out in their mind because they are stuck in a situation.
Related to dating and relationships I submit there are many of you out there who feel checked out in your relationship and feel like there is no way out. I know ultimately it is up to us as individuals to make decisions that are best for our own personal well-being and mental and physical health but we all know that’s not easy. It’s especially not easy when emotion and guilt are woven in to your decision making process. I rarely see an emotion based decision work out. Again, easier said than done, we are human after all.
But who wants to be “checked out” in life and feel like they can “never leave?” Not me! Let’s talk for a minute about what makes a person stuck in a relationship…
The following are signs that you may be checked out and stuck in a bad relationshit.
- You’re finding you care less and less about things that were very important to you and now you give up fighting for them because no matter how much you express yourself they just don’t care about what you find important.
- You find yourself angry at that person all the time even when there isn’t an immediate issue at hand. This comes from built up animosity that has not been addressed which, in turn, leaves you feeling empty, bitter and angry.
- You begin to start plotting exit strategies in your mind that you never follow through with because of some kind of guilt attachment you have with the other person, i.e., they helped you with something important at one point and it’s held over your head.
- You have positioned yourself to rely on your current partner and without them your lifestyle or creature comforts would be disrupted.
- You now avoid any kind of intimate contact with your partner because it seems forced and not genuine.
- You begin sabotaging your future with that person unconsciously by continually complaining to your friends and family about how miserable you are. Once you do this, of course your friends and family will side with you making it impossible for you and your partner to build a healthy future. Unless, of course, you don’t care about having friends and family in your life.
- Just like the lyrics say, you checked out and you find yourself not communicating even if you want or need to.
All of these signs are very dangerous. If you are experiencing any or all of the symptoms of a diminishing and dysfunctional relationship you need to push the pause button. You need to pause and ask yourself if you are living in a manner that is true to you. True to your expectations, values, goals and communication level needs to make you a growing, thriving and healthy person. Remember, disease causes disease.
It is very easy to get caught up moving in the wrong direction in life and if there is anything to take away from the Eagles great Glenn Frey, it’s this… Live your life to the fullest, be kind to people, do what you love and be true to what you want because being around tomorrow is no guarantee. Make today your day and lead with your heart, but follow with your fury.
Here’s to happiness and cutting the cancer out of your life once you identify it. Good luck!
Your pal, Sheik
