by Mark Smiley | Apr 24, 2015 | Valley Gadfly
May is one of the most beautiful months of the year. The garden begins to sprout, wild flowers start to bloom plus trees and grasses are turning green. The first full moon over the Valley is on May 3, 9:45 p.m. “Once in a Blue Moon” — a second full moon in the same month — often occurs in May. It’s May 21 of next year, again May 18, 2019.
The Kentucky Derby is the first Saturday in May. Mother’s Day is the second Sunday in May. Moreover, Memorial Day is celebrated on the last Monday in May.
Under a flower moon here are our choices for shopping, dining and entertainment because it’s May. It’s May the month when we can all say, and yes you may:
3 Get a May attitude ladies and attend the Women with Hattitude luncheon on May 7. The Women’s Voices Fund event supports playwrights and directors in DCPA’s Seawell Ballroom. Information: 303-446-4815.
3 Rare art sale at Philadelphia Print Shop May 4-15 is a supernatural delight featuring 19th Century through WWII prints. Information: 303-322-4757.
3 Everyone yell Mayday this month and begin heading to the Valley’s largest garden center. Paulino Gardens specializes in trees, shrubs and rose bushes plus vegetables and herbs. Information: 303-429-8062.
3 For Mother’s Day give mom a chocolate high at the Colorado Chocolate Festival in the Denver Mart, May 8-9. Information: 303-347-8252.
3 Fly high in May with rugs from Ten Thousand Villages’ Oriental Rug Event at Augustana Church, May 13-16. Information: 303-316-8773.
3 Go with your heart or on a whim, but do attend the Children’s Future fundraiser at Sullivan’s May 15, 5:30 p.m. Information: 720-545-5254.
3 Mom will spoon to the moon when you treat her to brunch the second Sunday in May at the Inn at Cherry Creek. Information: 303-377-8577.
3 Make it a May to remember by learning to launch your own business at CFU’s Un-Job Fair in Lowry, May 30. Information: 303-399-0093.
3 Think about the moon when you attend the annual Colorado Corks & Cuisine event May 21, 5:30-8:30 p.m. You are sure to write a song about the heart because it will howl with delight in the moonlight at Four Mile Historic Park. You’ll sample the fruits of local wineries, distilleries, breweries, and culinary artists while raising funds to support the park’s preservation and education initiatives. Information: 720-865-0815.
May was first named for Maia, the Roman goddess of spring and growth. The snow and ice are usually gone, but the hot temperatures haven’t arrived yet. When the moon gets big and bright it’s like walking on moon craters causing us to get hungry. We’re in luck because it’s National Barbecue, Salad, Salsa and Strawberry Month.
Fragrances waft through the air from the forsythia, violets and jack-in-the box that bloom in May. Birds build their nests this month to sit on eggs that will soon hatch.
It’s May; it’s May, that gorgeous holiday, declared Alan Jay Lerner and Frederick Loewe in the musical Camelot. “It’s mad, it’s gay, a libelous display with those dreary vows that everyone takes and everyone breaks.” Or to paraphrase another song, they don’t bark and they don’t bite, they keep loose because it’s moonlight in May.
— Glen Richardson
The Valley Gadfly can be reached at newspaper@glendalecherrycreek.com.
by Mark Smiley | Apr 24, 2015 | Feature Story Bottom Left
Would you date yourself? No seriously, are you the type of person that has the qualities that you look for in a potential long-term partner? Believe it or not there are quite a few similarities between building a product or a brand and dating. Let me explain…
When a business person is building a brand they have various goals to keep in mind before marketing their product to consumers. The key to building a solid brand is complicated but then so is dating, so this month I want to use this article to help you build your own personal brand (you’re the brand) resulting in an increase in your marketability. Here’s a quick rundown of things to keep in mind when you’re developing Brand You.
- Identify the demographic that you want to market yourself to and then begin your market research. Research what type of consumer (or sect of the dating pool) you are looking to target. Once you have identified and listed a handful of notable desires and needs that seem to have a consistent theme throughout your demo you can then move to the next step.
- Let’s just say for the sake of example that you have concluded that your desirable demo is looking for active, well off, established, honest, clean, family-oriented, honest people who enjoy travel, good food, intimacy and communicating. That’s a lot I know, but just an example for sure. Who knows, you might want someone who can burp louder than you and likes the same fast food restaurants. It doesn’t matter; the point is figure out what you want so you can market yourself to them properly.
- Now that you know who your consumer is, how do you develop your brand so that it has market appeal and gets noticed and purchased before your competition? This step is product development and at this stage you have to be very mindful of your potential consumer and not lose focus on creating a market niche for yourself. It always cracks me up when people want the world but they don’t have squat to offer. It’s like the world owes them a wonderful life yet they have nothing to offer the world.
- Now it’s time to start inventing your brand and remain patient during its development. The last thing you want to do is rush to market before its completion. Take the time to really get it together; if you’re broke save a few bucks; if you dress like a slob and you’re unkempt get yourself cleaned up; if you’re sketchy and untrustworthy start working on building your honor; if you never leave the city limits start exploring outside of your area; if you lack the ability to communicate effectively reach out to someone who can communicate for pointers. Whatever the case may be, once you figure out what your desired dating demo is looking for make sure you invent your brand accordingly.
- Taking your brand to market is your final step. Just like any good brand they market directly to their desired consumer. Example: you won’t find any erectile dysfunction commercials running in the middle of cartoons on Sunday morning. For obvious reasons, the business who owns the brand would just be wasting their time, money and resources on an audience that could give two sticks about their product. Translation, if you’re looking for a family oriented, career-minded person who loves to unwind at night by cooking a meal together and sharing it over a glass of wine, you probably won’t meet that person at a dive bar on Colfax. Market your brand smartly and don’t compromise it because you want to settle on the first taker. Test your brand a few times and see what the market has to offer before you sell out.
Lastly and most importantly, be yourself, just be the best self you can be and start putting thought into being someone you would actually want to date or commit to. If more people were conscious about who they are, what they want and what it takes to get there in a productive way we would all save time and energy by avoiding crappy products (people) who don’t last and end up getting tossed aside like yesterday’s news.
Announcement time! A lot of exciting things are going on in my world and I am very proud to share them with you! Most of you may know I host a radio show named The Modern Dater Show. TMD is a very fun part of my life and it allows me to meet tons of great people and see so many great bars, restaurants and events. Through that experience I really fell in love with the great state of Colorado and our culture. I really enjoy great food, drinks and friends and exploring the booming food and beverage that we are so blessed to have. Therefore I am thrilled to tell you about my new radio project with world-renowned Chef Jesper Jonnson called The Modern Eater which will air every Saturday at 6 p.m. on iHeart Radio and 630 KHOW starting May 16!
Lastly, The Modern Dater Date Club is on the brink of launching and FYI, last month when I said I had many more women than men who were interested and put a call out for guys to contact me, you fellas stepped up to the plate and evened things out! Fantastic! Now it’s last call for everyone out there who is interested in joining this exclusive club of relationship-minded people who are looking to go on low pressure singles excursions, hosted by me of course. Don’t let this pass you by, hit me up at themoderndater@gmail.com for details. Now get started on your brand and happy dating!
Your pal, Sheik!
by Mark Smiley | Apr 24, 2015 | Editorials
The City of Glendale’s recent announcement of an entertainment district along Cherry Creek brings to fore a vision that has been in the making for almost 20 years. Who first envisioned the concept is a matter of minor dispute with the Publisher of this paper Chuck Bonniwell and the present Mayor of Glendale Mike Dunafon both claiming paternity. But as a practical matter, the far harder task is bringing the concept to reality. There is no question that without Mayor Dunafon’s persistent and forceful leadership the vision would never have happened.
The challenges to the project were enormous, including but not limited to, the necessity of providing ample parking which will make or break the project. The city is willing to spend approximately $75 million for parking and other improvements which is no small feat for a city whose total annual budget is less than $20 million.
The city is able to do that through the miracle of tax increment financing and the state tax provisions for urban renewal districts. The taxing provisions allow the city to pledge not only its own municipal sales and property taxes but any increase from a base year of property and sales tax revenue from other applicable entities, including Arapahoe County and Cherry Creek School District. That allows the sale of tens of millions in bonds with the bondholders knowing that the city will have more than sufficient revenues available to repay the bonds.
Glendale throughout much of its history has been a booming town by adopting whatever Denver rejects. At the beginning of the 20th century Denver regulated out of business many of its dairy operations which Glendale welcomed with such open arms that the city became known as Cow Town. Denver rejected fireworks and Glendale had various fireworks stores up and down Colorado Boulevard, including one run by then Glendale Mayor Fred Repp.
In the early 1970s just when the baby boomer generation was reaching adulthood and the legal drinking age was being dropped to 18, Denver decided to massively restrict new liquor licenses. Glendale therefore gave them out to any qualified person who sought one. It resulted in Glendale becoming a bar, restaurant and youth mecca. Along East Virginia, Colorado Boulevard, Leetsdale Drive and South Cherry Street there were the Colorado Mine Company, Cork ’N Cleaver, The Lift, Mr. Lucky’s, etc. etc. etc. The sales taxes to Glendale flourished.
In the 1990s, in a return gift to Denver, Mayors Steve Ward and Joe Rice began terminating as many liquor licenses as they could until only five were left, turning East Virginia into a wasteland. Mayor Ward was infamous for having a small toy cannon at his spot on the podium which he would playfully shoot off every time a liquor license was revoked. The recipient of this revenue largess was Denver’s LODO, which thanks to Coors Field, was experiencing an extraordinary renaissance.
But just as Glendale seeks to perform a back to the future miracle with Glendale 180, Denver once again appears to want to create a potential partial act of economic hari kari. Denver Councilman Albus Brooks, whose council district includes downtown, has declared that the city wants individuals to have to think twice about bringing an automobile downtown. The so-called Denver Planning Board and the city planners say that they are not allowed to consider the traffic and parking impacts on new projects it approves in Cherry Creek and elsewhere in Denver.
The net effect of this deliberate head in the sand approach will make it increasingly costly and time consuming to drive an automobile in the City and County of Denver and particularly unpleasant in the areas where bars, restaurants and entertainment venues are concentrated. One of two things will happen. One possibility is that people will continue to pour into Denver by alternative means of transportation including walking, bicycles, light rail, cabs or short-term car rentals like Uber and Car To Go. This is the prediction of the city planners who are in cahoots with real estate developers who in turn are happy to provide as little parking as they can get away with.
Alternatively, the lumpenproletariat from the suburbs may decide not to do what the central planners of Denver decree and instead simply in part stop coming to LODO and Cherry Creek North bars, restaurants and entertainment venues. They will instead take their cars and money to places like Glendale 180 which welcomes them by providing ample and inexpensive parking, guaranteeing Glendale’s latest success.
By 2017 when Glendale 180 is scheduled to be open for business, the effect of Denver’s deliberate decision to create parking and traffic nightmares for automobile users will truly become ever more evident. Glendale is betting that it will just have to say, once again, thank you to Denver as it has been happy to do for most of its storied history.
— Editorial Board
by Peter Boyles | Apr 24, 2015 | Blasting with Boyles
It is not often that I can save readers of the Glendale Cherry Creek Chronicle literally hundreds of thousands of dollars of their life savings but this, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages, is the time. I recently received a mailer at my home sent to me courtesy of the Church of Scientology. I read it carefully. They are going to save my life, straighten out my misguided view of the world, and, as they say in show business, clean up my act. Now because I’ve been on the Scientology list of treasonous people, I’m more than hip to the theology of the Commodore’s church.
But if, for some unforeseen reason, you or any of your family members are big enough idiots to respond to that mailer, wander into 2340 Blake Street in downtown Denver, or make that phone call, you will be grifted into one of the great cons run in this country in quite a while. (With the exception of Barrack Obama’s life story, the truth about the Clintons and how there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, this pooch ranks right up there with Elvis ain’t dead, 9/11 was an inside job, and the innocence of Patsy Ramsey.)
Folks, have you seen the HBO documentary titled Going Clear: Scientology and the Prison of Belief? Damn. The excellent documentary demonstrates that Scientology is a dangerous, frightening, aggressive attempt to lure people into a cult, clean out their wallets and destroy their families. It comes from a book by Lawrence Wright about his life in Scientology. I’ve been jerking the Scientology people around on the radio for as far back as I can remember. But in everyday Scientology, as you have to pay to receive the beliefs of the church, I will save you the money.
Now if I wanted to go and become a practicing Roman Catholic, I would simply go to my closest Catholic church and ask the priest to give me religious instruction or at least tell me what the church believes. And the same is probably true in Judaism, any Protestant denomination (with the exception of snake handling — I think that takes a little work), or if I dare walk into a mosque and ask the imam. Those things aren’t that tough but Scientology has a price tag. So, this is what they believe.
Centuries ago in a galaxy far far away (I know, it sounds like Star Wars), there was a really bad character called Xenu, an evil dictator. So 75 million years ago, the galactic confederation had 26 stars, 76 planets, including Earth which was then known as Teegeeact. If you have gotten this far in the column, I have just saved you thousands of dollars, because you don’t get to know that until you get over certain Operating Thetan levels. The planets were overpopulated, the evil Xenu was about to get kicked out (much like Richard Nixon), so he plotted and eliminated these people with the assistance of a psychiatrist. Have you ever been to any form of demonstration and seen a guy in a suit and seen a sign that says Psychiatry Kills? That, my friends, is a Scientologist.
So, Xenu paralyzes these people, freezes them and ships them to earth where they go down into volcanos. (That’s why on the cover of L. Ron Hubbard’s Dienetics, their Bible, there is a picture of the volcano.) But to top it off, hydrogen bombs are put into volcanos, all detonated at once. So now these souls, known as Thetans, were blown up in the air. Captured by the evil Xenu, they were sucked into vacuum tubes and people were taken to movies, forced to watch 3D movies and forced to watch TVs for 36 days. (I’m not making this stuff up.) And they are probably now in your body, and you’ve got to get rid of them. Groups of rebels known as the Loyal Officers overthrew Xenu and locked him away into the electronic trap from which he has not yet escaped. Some of these clowns believe this is in the Pyrenees on earth.
The cost of learning all of this so far is about $6,500. See the savings you made by reading the Chronicle? These people are dangerous. You can watch the HBO documentary, read dozens of books about them and they are recruiting people through the U.S. Mail and national TV ads.
I kind of rest my case, but if you are willing to contact me at KNUS radio and hold a couple of tin cans wired to an old E-meter, I will be willing to get those bad Thetans out of your body and you’ll live the rest of your life clear.
You just got a quick overview of Scientology. Have any of them contact me and tell me this column isn’t true. The good news is Lisa Marie Presley has left the cult, just as her father has left the building. See you sometime later here on Teegeeact.
In the words of the late great Jackie Gleason, “homina, homina, homina.”
— Peter
