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Wrong Place

by Mark Smiley | Feb 2, 2015 | Feature Story Bottom Left

As adults why do we constantly try and make things fit in to our lives when we know good and well it doesn’t make sense or belong? As little kids we took the “square peg, round hole” aptitude test where we learned quickly that if the shape didn’t fit in the hole to move on and find the proper piece that would fit. Sure there were those kids who continually tried to force the object into the wrong hole but after many unsuccessful attempts and much frustration they would eventually move on and look for the right combination.

What happened to those abilities when it comes to our intimate relationships as adults? I am not preaching here or excluding myself from this conversation, I’m guilty of trying to force things to work when I know deep down inside that it won’t. Have we been so beaten down by life and failure that we believe it’s easier to take what you have, although it’s not working, rather than put whatever, or in this case whomever, aside and search for the right match? More and more I am seeing people in relationships putting more work into forcing things to be right rather than spending that energy finding what’s right for them. Have we really become so fear and guilt driven that we have forgotten about the basic fundamentals of life?

I want everyone who is reading this right now to think of a time in their life where something worked out when you tried to force it to. How did that work out for you? I may come across as cold when I say this but I have zero desire at this point in my life to run uphill battles when I know better. There is no more room in my life for that madness. I hope you feel the same about your life.

The following is a quick reference you can use to determine if you’re fighting the good fight with someone you’re dating or in a relationship with, or if you are just trying to stuff whatever you can.

You find yourself disappointed time and time again by someone’s actions and you hope somehow that will change. Disappointment manifests from failed expectations and expectations come from a personal standard you hold for yourself. Remember not everyone is going to have your same standards, and that’s ok. Rather than trying to change somebody’s standards why not find someone whose standards are similar to yours? Crazy concept I know.
You find yourself lowering your standards in order to avoid letdown or conflict. This is bad, real bad. The minute you find yourself watering down the things that mean something to you because it’s “easier” you have just failed at life 101. Stay true to thyself.
You find yourself or your companion bending the truth or making up false reality for the other person just to give the perception that everything is fine or working out. Open communication at all costs never fails. You may not be hearing what you want to but at least you’re living in reality.
You find yourself seeking other options although you are still together with someone. Red alert, red alert! If you are doing this you are ready to move on. Don’t be one of those selfish people who tries to hold on to whatever they have with someone out of fear of not finding a better situation. You’re doing no one a favor by doing that.
You find yourself caring for a person but you’re not in love with them. This is a tough one because both care and love are similar emotions in the sense that they both weigh on your heart. Regardless, when you are dealing with emotion you need to be smart and determine if the emotion you are feeling for someone is feeding your soul, or draining it. Only you know that answer.
You find yourself numbing yourself with drugs, food or alcohol. Oh boy, this one is tough because this usually means you are making matters worse for yourself. Not only are you trying to force a situation to work by using substances for suppressing your feelings, you are also jacking up your life and inevitably you will have a mess on your hands. This method is hard to clean up and could have been avoided by just pulling the plug on your intimate association with that person.

The list goes on… But you get the idea. Next month, while I am on the subject of “pulling the plug” on a relationship that doesn’t work for you, I am going to write about what I think a proper breakup should look like. I want you to be happy and healthy and most importantly, you!

A big thanks to all of you who have contacted me expressing interest in The Modern Dater Date Club I am assembling for my readers. This is an exclusive dating club for serious daters who are tired of meeting flakes who are not serious about finding a true connection. As we speak, I am planning group excursions for like-minded singles to get together in a no pressure environment that is conducive to having fun, being safe, and enjoying the company of quality people. If you would like to find out more about the dating club you can contact me personally at themoderndater@gmail .com. And if you own a fun, date friendly business or restaurant and would like to be a part of the fun I encourage you to contact me as well.

Until next month, Sheik

The Plague Years

by Peter Boyles | Feb 2, 2015 | Blasting with Boyles

I love medieval history. Disease was one of the greatest course changers in the history of the world. According to historians when certain diseases hit parts of the world, history is changed.

One of the interesting parts of the First World War was the arrival of what was called the Spanish Flu. That killed more American soldiers than the Germans. By far. And in fact a lot of people believe the flu ripped through the trenches on both sides. Because as I’m sure some of you know, the Germans believed they were ahead in the war before the flu struck.

When the plagues befell Europe in the middle of the 14th century they came in waves. Black Death and Red Death.

Red Death was smallpox and Black Death was bubonic plague.

If you read the stories of Columbus and the sailors of the 15th century, when picking out crews they looked for pock marks on the faces of recruits knowing that meant they had survived the plague and could go on the ship.

Sea captains were under strict orders never to come into port when they knew they had plague on board and would hoist a yellow flag telling people on shore that they had plague on the ship.

Also since I’m a cat lover, medieval Christians during the heights of plague believed it was brought on by Satan and of course Satan’s handmaidens, witches. And what rode on the tails of those brooms and lived with witches? You got it, cats.

What did cats kill? Cats killed rats. What rode on rats? Fleas. What did fleas carry? The plague. Are you starting to get the picture?

When I was a little fellow growing up in Pittsburgh I got scarlet fever. I have dim memories of it and remind everyone this was before penicillin was available to the average working class person. Today we call it strep but it can become scarlet fever and of course affects almost no one because it can be stopped in its tracks by penicillin.

The old man’s first floor apartment was quarantined by Allegheny County. No one was allowed into the house and I think only my dad would go out to work. One of the stories that was told to me about my mother is the Allegheny County health officials wanted to put me in a ward someplace in a Pittsburgh hospital. A friend of my mother’s said to her, “If they put that boy in that ward he’ll never come off it.” Things were so bad I may have died.

So after stuff like that, being sick, or as we say under the weather, doesn’t seem to be much of a big deal.

I also remember when the announcement came that Jonas Salk had cured polio. Now people won’t believe this but I remember the church bells ringing. I remember people hugging in the street because polio had been put to bed.

When I was in the fifth grade a kid up the street from us got polio. The panic that ran through the neighborhood was unbelievable. I make jokes today on myself that I can’t swim and a couple of reasons are that people believed you could get polio from swimming pools and that the river, which was close to the old man’s house was the wellspring for polio.

My dad never had a quarter for us to go swimming at a public pool and of course we were never allowed by the river. Because of polio I can’t swim.

In the last three or four months everybody I know is sick. In fact the publisher of this paper is also sick. I’ve been sick. And other people are talking about how everyone they know is sick.

You know we’re all going to get over this just as soon as this weather breaks (my mom used to say that).

But one of the things I think we can look at with pride is all the stuff that used to kill us, all the stuff that used to threaten us pretty much has been put to bed.

So now what do we have? We have obesity, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart attacks, diabetes, and all kinds of cancers.

But the little guys, like my grandson Liam and Chuck and Julie’s son Rev, will never have to worry like we did when we were little kids or some medieval Englishman about what was waiting for him in the shadows.

We do have good food. We do have clean water and the kinds of things that threatened my childhood will never threaten my grandson’s.

Be thankful. And that guy sitting next to you at work? Tell him to cover his mouth.

— Peter

P.S.: I’ve been sick since Thanksgiving.