“The number one rule of thieves is that nothing is too small to steal.” – Jimmy Breslin
by Luke Schmaltz
A large number of Denver residents are sitting on top of a hidden treasure and they don’t even know it.
Below the interior cabs of all modern cars, along the vehicle’s undercarriage parallel to the driveshaft, sits the exhaust system in a series of pipes, gaskets and couplings. Within this assembly, for all cars made after 1975, is a catalytic converter — a filter which transforms harmful exhaust compounds (hydrocarbons, nitrogen oxide and carbon monoxide) into inert gases.
This piece of automotive technology contains semi-precious metals which are crucial to the catalyzing process. These include palladium, rhodium and platinum — rare metals that are sought after and valued on par with gold. It is no secret to enterprising thieves that these components can fetch between $150 and $300 per unit from scrap yards and chop shops — and sometimes even more.
Amid the economic hardship of the past year, the risk-to-reward ratio of catalytic converter theft is attractive enough for someone with a few tools and nothing to lose to take action. Anyone with enough nerve and a bit of know-how can simply crawl beneath a car in the middle of the night and start hacking away. Vulnerable cars are everywhere — parked
Theft On The Rise: Catalytic converter theft is up 1600% in the Denver area from 2019.
on the street, in parking garages, strip malls and driveways. As jobs disappear, pandemic relief runs out, and perhaps a bad case of cabin-fever boredom takes hold — car part pirates set out to find their livelihood amid a vast urban landscape abundant with low-hanging fruit.
The number of thefts across Denver is on the rise like the temperature gauge on an overheating vehicle. In 2019, a total of just 15 were reported, while in 2020, the cases jumped up to a staggering 257. Meanwhile, 2021 is on par to leave that number in the dust, as 108 cases of stolen catalytic converters were reported by the end of January.
The Winners
Junkyard: Catalytic converters make a quick stop at a place like this so the precious metals therein can be removed.v
Experienced thieves who know where to slither and hack can get away with half a dozen or more converters per night. Doorbell cameras have captured these heists taking place with alarming speed — some in under two minutes. Once these are sold to a scrap yard or fenced to a black-market processing facility, the thief makes a few bucks and the next guy (the fence) digs into the devices, harvests the precious metals therein and sells them to a dealer. While laws are in place that supposedly forbid scrap metal dealers and junkyards from accepting stolen goods, there is by no means a task force monitoring these markets. If thieves are bold enough to break the law in plain sight, what’s to stop them from continuing to do so until the valued goods find their way back into the supply chain?
Next in the catalytic converter economic stimulus line are the auto repair shops. As this is becoming a routine procedure, the parts can be replaced with a fair degree of quickness and ease. Yet, parts and labor cost money and even if the mechanic is an honest one, they’ll be billing each client anywhere from $1,000 to $3,000 per job.
The Losers
The victim’s experience is invariably the same. A vehicle owner gets in their car, turns the ignition key to start the engine and is jolted upwards by a roaring blast of exhaust from beneath. In previous years, the individual may have thought it was just a temperamental automotive glitch that would work itself out. More recently, however, a person in this scenario quickly comes to the harrowing realization that part of their car has been stolen right out from underneath them.
After a sputtering, cantankerous trip to the mechanic, they are hit with a repair bill that most likely places yet another degree of economic strain on an already dire situation. While folks with comprehensive insurance coverage can send the bill to their carrier, a great many drivers out there do not have such coverage because they are trying to save money, and when they bought their insurance, rampant car part theft was probably not yet on their radar.
The Also-rans
Catalytic Converter: If you want to keep your catalytic converter, knowing how to weld is a valuable skill.
The associated fallout of these thefts is the additional burden that is placed on the Denver Police Department. While there is little or nothing that responding officers can do to recover the stolen part, there is considerable strain in terms of the man hours it takes to follow up on every case, to fill out paperwork and to listen to the victims tell their stories.
Enough Is Enough
Across the Mile High City, people are becoming increasingly aware that they could very well be the next victim in line to have their catalytic converters stolen. The obvious solution is to park your car in a garage, lock it up for the night and the problem is solved. The problem with that, is that the vast majority of car owners, especially in neighborhoods near the city center, do not enjoy such luxuries.
High profile vehicles like SUVs, Hummers and 4×4 trucks are the easiest targets, as they do not need to be jacked up off the ground in order for the thieves to access the converter. A smart driver on a shoestring budget can opt to park their Prius between a Ford F-250 and a Land Rover and hope their neighbors bear the brunt of the thievery instead of them.
Proactive citizens can sit up all night and guard their cars with a flashlight and a baseball bat. Yet, most people enjoy their sleep and do not wish to confront criminals in the pale moonlight. Thankfully, this scourge of theft has necessitated a suite of new inventions designed to keep your catalytic converter attached to your car’s exhaust system and out of the hands of criminals. In yet another economically beneficial outcome of the rise in theft, these devices range anywhere from $125 to $700 or more apiece, plus installation if you’re not handy with tools. These products are carving out a market niche for themselves under names such as The Cat Clamp, Cat Security, Cat Strap and more.
Cat Strap: This alarm-style device features contact and motion sensors. The strap is tethered along the length of the exhaust system (which includes the catalytic converter) by a series of metal clamps and rings. The sensor is then wired to the battery and the alarm receiver is mounted beneath the hood. Contact with the exhausts system or significant motion beneath the car in the vicinity of the catalytic converter will set it off. Thief activity beneath your car sets off the alarm, which then deters the perpetrator. Professional installation is recommended.
Cat Security: This device is strictly hardware, and acts as a type of shield between your catalytic converter and the ground. The product is essentially sheet metal which is pre-fabricated to fit the undercarriage of specific models of cars. The shield is then bolted into place with a combination of security rivets, bolts and self-tapping screws. The protective barrier is immediately obvious to and should convince most thieves to think again. Professional installation is optional.
Cat Clamp: Another hardware-based product, this invention uses braided, heavily-rated steel cables and heavy-duty steel clamps and adaptor plates which, once mounted and installed, surround your catalytic converter in a metal cage. The various product sizes can accommodate everything from regular sized cars to large, heavy duty diesel trucks. Hardware and cable run the length of the exhaust system and present an immediate visual deterrent to thieves — as it is obvious the catalytic converter is not coming off without a whole lot of effort and noise. Professional installation recommended.
Extreme Measures
A similar approach is to have the catalytic converter welded to your car’s frame, which would make it much harder and far more time consuming to steal. Another method is to have your car alarm system recalibrated to detect the subtle humming of a reciprocating saw or the light tog of a ratchet wrench. Other folks are engraving their car’s VIN number to the housing on the converter, which to an average thief might be a deterrent, but to an enterprising criminal — it might be an invitation to pursue identity theft.
The other options are to string barbed wire around your car every night and risk getting cited for littering or reckless endangerment. You could train rattlesnakes to coil up in the undercarriage at night and take a swipe at anything that crawls under the car. Or you could just sell the damn thing and get a bike — along with an arsenal of four or five heavy duty U-locks.
“It’s not vaccines that save lives, it’s vaccinations.” — Stephanie Wasserman, Executive Director, Immunize Colorado
by Luke Schmaltz
The strategy for combating the spread of Covid-19 and thus, reducing the subsequent fallout of loss and tragedy is fairly simple: inoculate the population. While this equation reads well on paper, implementing it across the Mile High region has a distinct set of challenges.
From a practical standpoint, it would seem that the biggest obstructions to vaccine distribution would be the tiered system of rollout phases (eligibility based on vulnerability) and the availability of enough doses for each demographic. While this is certainly the case, vaccine task force officials — including government appointed teams and private sector organizations — are facing formidable yet invisible hurdles anchored in misinformation and inter-generational mistrust of the medical system at large.
A Clearly Laid-Out Plan
The Colorado Department of Public Health and Environment has a systematic vaccination rollout plan.
The Office of Colorado Governor Jared Polis, in conjunction with the Colorado Department of Public Health and Environment (CDPHE), have established a series of phases to be implemented in a systematic, step-by-step fashion.
Phase One begins with high-risk individuals and healthcare workers (1A), people age 70+, moderate risk healthcare workers and first responders (1B.1), citizens aged 65-69, pre-K-12 educators, cold care workers and continuity of state government officials (1B.2), people aged 16-64 with two or more comorbidities and frontline workers (1B.3).
Phase Two includes Coloradans 60-64, people with high-risk conditions and continuity of operation workers in state and local government.
Phase Three, at last, includes anyone and everyone in the general population ages 16-59.
Governor Polis has gone so far as to speculate, as stated in a recent article by The Denver Post, that he expects folks to be returning to their beloved restaurants, nightclubs and bars by May, in a gradual transition of systematically loosening restrictions and returning everyday personal freedoms.
At the time of this writing, rollout of phase 1B.2 is underway and just about everyone involved in education including teachers, substitutes, bus drivers, cafeteria workers, janitors, and other support staff will be able to access the vaccine as will select members of the executive and judicial branches of government. These folks do not present an accessibility concern for vaccinators, but the other demographic this phase accommodates, folks age 65-69, is where things are set to get tricky.
The Front Lines Of Trying Times
Immunize Colorado is a nonprofit organization working in cooperation with CDPHE to get vaccines into arms across all Denver communities.
Stephanie Wasserman is the Executive Director of Immunize Colorado and has been out in the field and on the front lines since before the Covid-19 vaccine arrived. On a daily basis, she combats the social side effects of the pandemic. “My organization became gravely concerned because of the disproportionate impact Covid-19 has had on communities of color both in Colorado and nationally,” she begins. “We are not doing too bad in terms of getting shots into arms, but we are not meeting our equity goals. Also,” she continues, “there is significant hesitancy that exists in some communities due to the historic mistrust of the medical system.” Wasserman also cites “predatory behavior” as another driver of vaccine hesitancy, stating, “We have a very active anti-vaccine movement here in Colorado and they have recently targeted communities of color with disinformation.”
Clearly, this phenomenon reveals age-old fears that are easily agitated by misinformation. These negative (mostly online) messages tend to magnify the historical underservice of communities of color by the medical establishment and redirect that mistrust towards the vaccine rollout. Wasserman and her colleagues are undaunted and are fighting back via the recent launch of the Colorado Vaccine Equity Task Force (https://www.coloradovaccineequithe vaccines and y.org/). This site and its Spanish-translated partner site (https://www. equidadvacunacolorado.org/) are combatting the online misinformation with facts about the disproportionate impact COVID-19 has had while broadcasting endorsements from trusted, professional voices from communities of color as ambassadors for the vaccine. “The group comprises 35 members hailing from all walks of life,” Wasserman explains, “and all with one common trait — they identify as a person of color from an underserved community.” These include faith leaders, retirees, doctors, nurses, educators and one man who volunteered for one of the early Moderna clinical trials.
The Colorado Vaccine Equity Task Force is determined to vaccinate citizens in underserved communities.
In essence, the Task Force is mounting what is turning out to be a grassroots reeducation campaign to assuage fears, to combat misinformation and to ultimately get people from underserved communities vaccinated in order to stop the disease. “It has been super successful so far,” says Wasserman, “We’ve done policy and communication work, advocacy, outreach and engagement. It is really about getting into communities as much as possible, starting constructive conversations and allowing trusted community members to speak to their neighbors about the merits of the vaccine. “For example,” she begins, “We have two retired nurses on the Task Force who are very active and well known in their parish in the Montbello neighborhood. They held a pop-up clinic at their church and because it was hosted by them, hundreds of people signed up to be vaccinated and all supplies were gone in two hours.”
A Factually-Informed Outlook
Colorado State Representative Yadira Caraveo is also a Pediatrician with a medically-informed understanding of vaccines.
State Representative Yadira Caraveo, in addition to her role as an elected official, is also a pediatrician and a member of the aforementioned Colorado Vaccine Equity Task Force. Her primary roles are those of a coordinator and an administrator in the effort to achieve distribution equity of the vaccine. Regarding the timeline for getting the prescribed 70+% of the population vaccinated, Caraveo is hesitant to make an exact prediction. “I think the timeline has been changing as the realities on the federal level trickle down to the state level in addition to the lack of planning from the previous administration,” she explains. “Still, I think it is realistic and hopeful that we could get everyone who wants a vaccination taken care of by late summer, early fall.”
Optimism aside, Caraveo’s role in the Task Force has given her an informed perspective about vaccine hesitancy. “I think a lot of the uncertainty about this particular vaccine comes from the perceived speed with which it came out,” she begins. “People are out there saying ‘well, it can’t possibly be safe — it has only been 10 months since the pandemic started.’ But the important thing to remember is that science is ongoing and is built on decades of research and development. The research for these vaccines was built upon the research that was done for the MERS and SARS vaccines as well as mRNA that has been studied since the 1950s. It is a fact that scientists are continually working on things that they anticipate may be needed at some point — which is why this came out so quickly.”
Caraveo continues with a vaccine advocacy home-run hit, “As doctors, we’ve been talking for decades about how people don’t understand the need for vaccines because they haven’t seen a lot of the illnesses we vaccinate against now. Most people alive today have never seen someone with polio or tetanus because of the vaccines. This is the first instance in a century where we have developed a vaccine for something that people can see every single day — people who are getting sick and dying of COVID-19. The effects of the vaccine, or any vaccine for that matter are very minimal compared to what the illness does. The chances of anything happening [negatively] with the vaccine are one in a million as opposed to the chances of something bad happening should you get COVID-19.”
Caraveo ends with one last stark, unarguable, scientific gem of truth, “This is a perfect example of why vaccine hesitancy has grown over the last century and why it shouldn’t have grown. Now we can see, in real time, the effect of a vaccine versus the effect of an illness.”
If love conquers all, can it overcome the coronavirus as Valentine’s Day 2021 approaches? The pandemic hit last year just weeks following Valentine’s day, making this year’s celebrating somewhat of a dilemma. Hopeless romantics, love is what people breathe here, so they are approaching the day with cautious optimism hoping tender hearts won’t be broken.
Notwithstanding vaccination availability plus reopening of dine-in service and easing of other restrictions, there is still uncertainty that the end is in sight. The number and variety of choices have noticeably narrowed.
As February 14 looms, Denver is ranked the nation’s 14th best city to celebrate Valentine’s Day. The Chronicle, acting as Cupid-in-Chief, identifies how to live life and celebrate love in this uncertain year:
Candy Man Can
Sweet Attraction: Candy from top shops will please your sweetheart’s palette. Stargazer Fine Chocolates’ chocolatier creates truffles, chocolate bars, nut & fruit filled bark to love.
Enstrom Candies, 201 University Blvd., 303-322-1005. For four generations the Enstrom family of Grand Junction has crafted their Almond Toffee by hand. The perfect gift of taste to delight your connoisseur lover.
Hammond’s Candy Factory, 5735 Washington St., 888-226-3999. A Denver fine candy manufacturer for nearly 100 years. Known for their art candy, candy canes, chocolate bars, hard candy, lollipops and kosher candy.
Lolli & Pops on lower level of the Cherry Creek Shopping Center, 303-390-5701. Store with large selection of gourmet candy, chocolate treats, and gifts. Choose from Belgian chocolate, caramels, truffles, and more.
Stargazer Fine Chocolates in the Colorado Plaza, 700 Colorado Blvd., 303-394-4000. Chocolatier at family-owned shop creates sweets to delight your eyes, please your palette. Choose from truffles, chocolate bars, nut and f
Recipe For Love: Dining out has always been a recipe for love. Mizuna on E. 7th Ave. is featuring a nine-course Valentine meal Feb. 13 & 14 with dine-in or outdoor seating.
ruit filled bark.
Culinary Crush
Carmine’s On Penn, 92 S. Pennsylvania St., 303-777-6643. Family-style Italian eatery known for its hefty portions is serving a Valentine’s “share a special dinner.” Popular eatery is in an unpretentious stucco setting.
Coohill’s, 1400 Wewatta St., 303-623-5700. Chef Tom Coohill is opening his French-influenced eatery adjacent to the Pepsi Center with a Creekside patio for a special Valentine’s Weekend, Feb. 12, 13 and 14th.
Mizuna, 225 E. 7th Ave., 303-832-5778. Frank Bonanno’s flagship restaurant is celebrating V Day with a nine-course meal with dine-in and outdoor seating, Feb. 13 & 14. Rooted in French cooking, first course is Roses and Champagne.
Tamayo, 1400 Larimer St., 720-946-1433. Modern Mexican eatery in Larimer Square is offering a three-course menu for both dine-in and to-go from Feb. 12 through 14. Dine-in dinner includes complimentary champagne toast.
The Lockwood, 1450 Glenarm Pl., 720-269-3246. Rustic yet modern eatery in the Crowne Plaza downtown is offering a “special paired menu” for Valentine’s Day. Regular menu is also available at eatery serving New American fare.
Additional V Day Choices: Restaurant listings are as of mid-January. Since city-state recently initiated dine-in service subsequent announcements are likely from eateries.
Flower Power
Bloom, 300 University Boulevard, 720-941-2862. An independent flower boutique offering contemporary to traditional designs. Stunning cutting-edge arrangements feature a combination of traditional European and modern styles.
Bouquets, 321 17th St. 303-333-5500. Long admired for his floral artistry, BJ Dyer has relocated in the iconic Brown Palace Hotel. His beautiful arrangements make unique gifts for your Valentine, or for an upcoming weddings.
Flower Power, 2027 E. Virginia Ave., 303-777-6266. Specializing in European floral design, the Wash Park floral boutique’s handcrafted arrangements use fresh, seasonal flowers.
Newberry Brothers Florist, 5301 Leetsdale Dr., 303-322-0443. Floral shop creates bouquets to inspire, celebrate and bring people together. Imaginative flowers and plants that make a wonderful gift for that special someone.
Perfect Petal, 3600 W. 32nd Ave. & 1850 Wazee St. Whether you’re a traditionalist who wants to present your partner with roses or an out-of-the-box thinker choosing an elegant orchid arrangement, you can find it at Perfect Petal’s two locations.
Entertaining Love
Celestial Chaos, Exdo Event Center,
Snoopy Sensation: Snoopy and Charlie Brown’s romantic blunders have stolen the hearts of romantics for decades. The TV special A Charlie Brown Valentine has aired for 40 years.
Feb. 4-28. In a time of challenge and separation, this four ring theatrical circus creates artistry that is magical, offering audiences connection, inspiration and hope.
Inspired by Greek mythology, show is filled with aerial dance, acrobatics and juggling, plus cyr wheel performances and Chinese pole dance. Production tells the story of three gods of balance who think they can do a better job than the creators of Earth. Spectators will enjoy contemporary dance, theater, plus live music.
Production combines the talents and expertise of theatrical circus artists with the artistry and creativity of the immersive and visual arts. Celestial Chaos features more than 100 circus performers, actors and musicians. Information: Rainbowmilitia ariel.com.
Stevie Nicks Concert Screening, Wings Over The Rockies Air & Space Museum Feb. 5, shows 6 and 10 p.m. Recorded over two nights during her sold-out 24 Karat Gold Tour, the film fea
Romantic Tune-up: Celebrate with your sweetie during the Stevie Nicks Concert Screening at Wings Over The Rockies, Feb. 5. Film features her sold-out 24 Karat Gold Tour.
tures a set-list of fan favorites and rare gems.
Considered one of the most important female voices in rock music, Nicks has had six Top Ten albums, eight Grammy nominations and is the first woman to be twice inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame — with Fleetwood Mac in 1998 and as a solo artist in 2019.
The film highlights Stevie’s intuitive and intimate storytelling abilities, captivating audiences with personal stories behind some of the most famous songs in music history. Event is a fundraiser for Wings Over The Rockies Air & Space Museum and The Lowry Foundation. Information: 303-360-5360.
Lovey-Dovey Doings
Cooking With Cupid @ Cook Street, 43 W. 9th Ave., 303-308-9300. Join Chefs at Cook Street School of Culinary Arts for luxe celebration with your special someone, Feb. 11, 12 & 13, 6-9:30 p.m., Feb. 14, 10 a.m.-1:30 p.m.
D Bar Denver, 494 E. 19th Ave., 303-861-4710. The D stands for drinks, dining and desserts. Perfect date night spot on Valentine’s Day or any day with your lover and friends to enjoy comfort food and award-winning desserts.
Horse & Carriage Ride, along the 16th St. Mall, 720-470-9383. Enjoy a romantic evening snuggled in an Irish Rose Cinderella carriage drawn by draft horses. Choose from Mini to Grand Rides to see city sights and lights.
Valentines Bazaar, 4970 E. Colfax Ave., 720-535-8284. Love Bazaar with eight local vendors and music. Shop, listen to music during weekend extravaganza at GVM Studios, Feb. 6 & 7, noon-6 p.m.
“Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.” – Mark Twain
by Luke Schmaltz
Perhaps the lowest blow Covid-19 has thrust into the guts of live entertainment is the crippling assault on the art form that thrives within kissing distance of society’s face.
Live comedy shows are casualties of circumstance, as there is too great a price to pay when large crowds of people gather in compact spaces and let loose with the explicit purpose of opening up and laughing out loud.
Comedy Works (Landmark location) is a Denver institution and a live comedy mecca; currently shuttered by Covid-19.
The essence of effective live comedy is the proximity of the artist to the audience. It’s an intimate affair, wherein spectators willingly subject themselves to carefully crafted webs of cunning that twist their wits into coils of suspense and then snap the tension with an unexpected conclusion. The result: uncontrollable laughter.
Social distancing and the complete shutdown of indoor venues has put a detrimental damper on this dynamic, placing comedy venues, promoters, managers, booking agents and the essential engine upon which the industry runs — the comedians — in peril. Currently, the world that hawks hilarity is stagnating, yet the resilient nature of the art form pushes on like a river smothered by a landslide — looking for other ways to reach its destination. And, while some do not deem laughter as an “essential” industry, those who create it think otherwise, and are reacting to 2020 in various ways.
An Unfortunate Setup
Comedy Works is widely regarded as one of the finest institutions in the live comedy business, but their business is currently paralyzed. Longtime owner/operator Wende Curtis explains: “Our downtown club closed on March 15 and has never been able to re-open. We were unable to get 50% or even 100 people in to maintain the social distancing requirements. Our south location reopened in late July but was closed again with the recent mandates.”
With no options for operating in an outdoor space, they are looking to the powers that be for assistance. “We are hoping government officials see the impact on live entertainment venues, restaurants and all businesses impacted and will appropriately accommodate us in the stimulus package,” Curtis explains.
Curtis, a universally respected comedy promoting legend, is critical of the government’s role thus far: “These venues and businesses should not have to bear the burden of this pandemic. The government should have stepped up and helped these businesses sooner. The Paycheck Protection Program (PPP) was meant to suffice for eight weeks. It’s been nine months. Without small businesses, we [live comedy] will be a couple of ugly big box companies. A truly sad state.”
Promise Of The Real
Despite the detriments of 2020, comic Christie Buchele is still hopeful — hanging onto the idea that venues, and more importantly comedy fans, will hang on too. The relative newcomer to the jokester trade has quickly blazed a trail to the forefront of the new faces set, earning a reputation for being hardworking and fiercely funny. Staying busy during 2020 hasn’t been easy, she describes performing live after the shutdown: “My first show was a zoom show for a producer in Austin, the first week of April. I didn’t do a live show until Mid-May. We did the show in the parking lot of a brewery with tables spread out and comics all wearing masks when they were off stage. The crowd size was maybe a little smaller than average but it’s hard to tell with everyone spread out.”
Denver comic Christie Buchele is doing everything she can to keep her chops up during indoor venue shutdown.
The experience of performing under these conditions makes Buchele pine for the good old days of clubs full of patrons packed in sardine-tight. “Before COVID-19 an outdoor show felt like a real pain in the ass. Keeping attention was tough, keeping up your energy and dealing with any distractions was terrible. I do think that audience members are just so happy to have something to do that now when they go to an outdoor show, they are much more attentive and excited. And they realize we are rusty but just so excited to do comedy again.”
Buchele urges comedy fans to stay tuned and support independent venues by subscribing to streaming content and buying tickets for future shows. Of all these, she laments the temporary loss of Denver’s finest room the most: “Of all the venues in Denver, I miss Comedy Works Downtown. It’s the best place in the world to do comedy and I hate not being able to go down there every week and see everyone and have the best time onstage. I never thought I would go this long without stepping foot in that building. I imagine I will cry happy tears the first time I get back up there.”
The Show Must Go On
Ben Kronberg is a Denver comedy stalwart, having begun his performance tenure in the early 2000s with no end in sight. His straight-out-of-left-field-blink-and-you’ll-miss-it style is inimitable and unmistakable. Kronberg’s comedy blurs the line between traditional set-up / punchline joke telling and abstract mentalist conjecture, which seems to have seeped into his perception of linear events in general. When asked to compare his comedic experience post and prior to the shutdown, he says: “I have what you could call a memory blend with shows now. After doing comedy for over 15 years, all the shows seem to blend together and fade together. I have been running shows at The Denver Comedy Lounge for about a year so it [last indoor show] was one of those to be uncertain.”
Ben Kronberg has been performing in Denver and beyond for 15 years and is keeping things light.
Once social distancing regulations were in place, Kronberg adapted and kept forging forth. “We kept doing shows however we could, moving to the alley behind the lounge and trying to comply with all of the regulations. When you go to a strip club you want to be close to the performer, and comedy is no different so it gave a cold medicine vibe to the whole thing with the laughter vaporizing because of being outside. We could fit maybe 30-ish people in this situation. People who came out were receptive, but this muted version of a comedy show could be felt by all. But it was better than nothing.”
Kronberg sees virtual shows as a band-aid over an axe wound type of remedy but participates nonetheless — if only for something to do. “The most fun I had [virtually] was probably doing a zoom talent show. Most [attendees] were performers and a few pervy, lonely audience members. It was better than nothing but not a proper substitute for the real thing. Kind of like a homemade fleshlight.”
Troy Baxley is a Mile High comedy legend and may or may not see stage time again.
Give ’Em Hell
Of all the unsung heroes in the Denver comedy scene, Troy Baxley is at the top of the list, having begun performing in the 1980s and since played just about every comedy stage in North America. He ran one of the first open mics in Denver at the Lions Lair on East Colfax and, of late, has taken to mentoring an onslaught of young comics determined to get on the fast track to funny.
Baxley sees the current shutdown as a great equalizer, serving to weed out what he calls “water cooler comics” while testing the endurance and mettle of those who are truly in it for the long haul. “The thing is,” he begins, “most are crumbling under the weight because there’s no end in sight. If you’re a hacky comic, the allure of doing the same two-minute set falls away, and since you aren’t disciplined to be constantly developing new material your skills get rusty fast. With open mic nights gone [for now] you can’t just go tell a couple zingers one night and then go to work the next day announcing yourself as a comedian.”
Unfortunately, Baxley was recently diagnosed with onset Parkinson’s disease, perhaps hindering his ability to perform once clubs are open again. Yet, Baxley shrugs off the shutdown like he’s shutting down a heckler. “I can tell by a heckler’s tone how long they have before I get the room to turn on them. I can tell by Covid-19 that, eventually, things will bounce back and once we all work the rust off, we’ll be cracking wise better than ever.”
“Repeat after me: real estate provides the highest returns, the greatest values and the least risk.” — Armstrong Williams, entrepreneur
by Luke Schmaltz
As of February 25, 2020 — according to Forbes and WalletHub — Colorado had one of the lowest residential property tax rates in the nation — just 7.15% — third to only Hawaii and Alabama.
As of November 3, 2020 — according to some fiscal experts — that glowing statistic may gradually begin to fade.
An Uneven Keel
Consistent with the year’s underlying theme of division and disparity, the commercial tax rate sits at an inverse position at 29% — making the terrain for independent, small businesses especially rough, and increasingly so as Covid-19 looms on. Before the election and the ensuing repeal of the Gallagher Amendment, anyone keen on owning a home, as well as commercial property in Denver, was privy to staggeringly different tax bills — even if their residential property was right next door to that of their business.
In an election that was overwhelmingly characterized by close races and slim margins, Amendment B (repealing Gallagher) passed in a landslide vote of 57.4% to 42.6%. This means that the low property tax rates Colorado homeowners have enjoyed for decades will, according to opponents of the measure, begin to increase the tax burden homeowners are forced to bear — especially those in the urban middle-class sector.
Wide Appeal
For the uninformed, property taxes are collected in order to pay for local government services that benefit the immediate district. These include schools, fire departments, infrastructure, water, libraries, recreation and county road maintenance.
Tax Increase?: With Gallagher repealed, some say taxes will go up while others say they will not.
As all property owners quickly discover — residential and commercial alike — taxes are determined by complex formulas, dreaded by many and resented by all for their unrelenting consistency. In this election cycle, the convoluted nature of taxes seemed to have influenced the diverse interest in Amendment B vs. the Gallagher Amendment — perhaps the only refreshing thing about the issue in general.
Amendment B garnered a patchwork of varied bipartisan support, both for and against the measure. Proponents included former U.S. Senator Hank Brown (R), current Republican state senators Bob Rankin of Carbondale, and Don Coram of Montrose, current House Representative Daneya Esgar (D) and former Colorado Secretary of State Bernie Beusher (D). Naturally, the measure was opposed by the author of the Gallagher Amendment, former Senator and career public servant Dennis Gallagher (D) along with the right-leaning head of Colorado Rising Action, Michael Fields, as well as with former House Speaker Dickey Hullinghorst (D).
An Outdated Formula?
For nearly four decades, Colorado residential property owners have enjoyed consistent tax cuts supplied by the Gallagher Amendment which, until November 3, had rates locked in at 7.15%. The disparity here is stark, however, as commercial property owners were “stuck with the bill” as it were and foisted with tax rates consistently ringing in around 29%. Under Gallagher, residential taxes could only allot for 45% of the total tax base, with nonresidential properties such as retail businesses, factories and farmland making up the remaining 55%. As rising residential property values skyrocketed, the inherent complexity of the tax formula resulted in an unbalanced scale — with the heavy end tipping toward commercial property holders.
While this lopsided provision was great for homeowners in high-growth areas along the front range, owners in rural areas suffered — as their property values were not accruing at nearly the rate of their urban counterparts. Simply put, with Gallagher in place, the more the value of a property increased, the less percentage of tax the owner had to pay. With this protection removed by Amendment B, critics of the measure are predicting that residential property taxes will rise drastically. Meanwhile, supporters of the measure contend that removal of the Gallagher Amendment will leave current rates frozen in place — for now.
Too Much Too Soon?
The recently-televised Colorado Decides: Amendment B debate hosted by PBS 12 featured outspoken public figures weighing in on both sides. Representative Esgar (D) championed the effect a repeal would have on small businesses: “ … right now 20% of the taxpayer base (commercial property owners) are paying 55% of the tax [revenue]. These are small businesses … right now they are being hit the hardest … they want to know, right now, why they are paying four times what [the] residential property tax rate is …” Esgar explained further that leaving the Gallagher Amendment in place would result in commercial property taxes ballooning to up to five times that of the residential rates.
Meanwhile, in opposition to Amendment B, Michael Fields (Colorado Rising Action) explained that a statewide repeal is far too drastic, and rather, measures should be taken to amend the tax code in certain districts who are suffering from loss of revenue. In the aforementioned televised debate, Fields contents that: “ … a solution needs to be more regionally based or county based … I think that makes a lot more sense because there are areas of our state that are either less commercial property or their (residential) values aren’t going up as much …overall, this is a regional problem and there should be a regional solution.
Upwardly Mobile
As fate would have it, the Gallagher Amendment is no more. Without another policy in place, according to TABOR, residential property taxes will rise as the property values increase. So, as Denver renters have recently seen in vivid detail, this could mean yet another rent hike as landlords pass the overall cost of owning property onto their tenants.
The Gallagher Amendment was a major ballot issue in 1982 and again in 2020. It was designed to evenly spread the tax burden between residential and commercial properties.
While proponents of Amendment B downplay the severity of repealing the Gallagher Amendment, others like Fields are quick to point out the costly implications. An October 26, 2020, article published on coloradopolitics.com contends that a repeal leaves no protections in place for property owners. This means that — as required by TABOR — property taxes would increase to the tune of $203+ million and keep climbing — a fact that lawmakers like Daneya Esgar seem to have forgotten to disclose whilst selling this new piece of legislation to an uneducated and most likely distracted public.
Others contend that tax rates that are applied according to the rapid rise of property values, while being inconvenient for owners, can spell ample funds for public services — especially in rural and economically challenged areas. At any rate, the varied implications of how things may play out are a fitting reflection of the complex nature of property tax formulas. To find out what the repeal truly means (just like everything else this year) folks are going to have to just wait and see.
The year 2020 has brought a lot of misfortune to people all around the world, but John Larchick (JL) and his record label Time Stamp Records (TSR) have made good use of the time of solitude due to social distancing. Announcing the official start of the label on January 1, JL and his team have been busy in the lab making 2020 their year to emerge on the music scene with the release of their brand new music video and song Battle Royale.
“Battle Royale was an absolute gem to produce. I hate to say it, but my overgrown mustache may have taken the spotlight from even me on this one occasion. But honestly, from the beginning of the song’s inception, everything just started falling into place. From the creation of the beat and the vocal writing, down to the video concept and execution. It all just felt right. Those are the types of workflow that we as artists are searching for when we create,” stated JL, Owner and Producer of Time Stamp Records.
TSR, a childhood dream of JL’s, is a new indie record label out of Aurora/Metro Denver, Colorado. Time Stamp Records produces music and film. They also distribute and cultivate quality art, merchandise and music for film, radio, live events and television. And they have big plans for the future.
“Owning my own label has been a lifelong dream,” stated JL.
JL has been involved in the music industry from a very young age. At 17, he and his high school band, Reverend Orange Peel, sold out the Bluebird Theatre and earned the opportunity to play at the Ogden Theatre for New Year’s eve that same year. Both venues are icons in Denver. Ever since then he knew he had the knack for it and wanted a career in music.
“It wasn’t always glorious venues and big gigs though,” stated JL.
After high school, the band naturally dispersed to various colleges resulting in the dismantling of Reverend Orange Peel. “But I was still set on my musical quest. I was writing the music, learning to play instruments, and honing my craft virtually every waking moment. I started learning how to navigate all the facets of the ever-changing music industry. Everything from working with band members, writing songs, recording, booking, marketing to tours, videos, press releases, radio interviews and so much more.”
JL is no stranger to touring and has diligently booked gigs at countless venues across Colorado and surrounding states. “I’m super grateful for all of my past, present and future experiences, from the coffee shop gigs with no sound system to Boulder’s famous Fox Theatre. It’s my experiences as a musician and recording engineer that set me and this record label apart from others”.
JL has gone on numerous tours, occasionally accompanying some very notable artists. He has performed with acts such as Guru from Jazzmatazz, Fat Joe, Wu-Tang Clan, Ol Dirty Bastard, Pepper, the Pharcyde, Devin the Dude and others.
In addition, JL is the owner of a professional recording studio (Green Room Studios), the lead vocalist for JL Universe, a songwriter, multi-instrumentalist and a record producer. JL has released four albums and has helped a few fellow artists release albums of their own. His drive and motivation come from his love for music and the desire to create amazing art. He wants to encompass everything in the industry and assist other aspiring artists to reach their goals. Cultivating Time Stamp Records into a renowned success for all the artists signed under the label is where his sights are now set.
“Running this label, to me, it’s a really big responsibility and it’s a big honor. To be able to provide a service and to be able to put out people’s truths,” said JL. “Music and art are so personal and there are so many really dope artists that don’t get a chance to have a sounding board, to have somebody there to ricochet ideas and concepts, and grow a plan. That is what I am focused on when we sign artists. We are helping the artists generate their vision and then really feed that vision so it can grow and blossom into something bigger.”
JL is drawn to music that resonates with him, as opposed to claiming loyalty to a specific genre of music. He listens to and supports everything from electronic to funk to hip-hop to country. He has a hard time fitting Time Stamp Records into a specific category because he works with artists from across the board. When considering an artist for the label, JL really focuses on the quality of character and integrity presented in their work. He values artists with great work ethic, clarity, and dedication to their craft. He values artists with ambition and a drive to create something amazing for the world. Because of his familiarity with the industry, JL has a keen eye for the foundation required to establish a successful musical career.
“My goal is to become the record label that I always needed as an artist. To create a space and platform for artists and projects to fully develop. I have built, and I am still building, the frameworks and no one style or artist’s journey will be the same, but the process to get to our goals are similar,” said JL. “TSR is here to assist in that self-discovery and execution of plans. My dream is to make art that transforms time and space and that stamps the moment we are living in through expression and human connection. The end goal is to make creations that resonate, fulfill dreams and win Grammys.”
Sometimes all an artist needs is someone to give them a little nudge or to point them in the right direction for success. They can be filled with talent and musical genius, while struggling with the skill of getting noticed and releasing their art. They need a mentor or a leader. And that is precisely what JL and Time Stamp Records is. TSR is paving the way for musicians. He guides them on the path toward achievement. That way, everyone wins. In November, TSR plans to announce a statewide contest which is calling on artists to submit their work for the chance to win a single produced and released by TSR along with other great prizes.
Time Stamp Record’s song and video, Battle Royale was quickly followed by JL’s second single release of 2020, The Other Side. The single is paired with a creative and thought-provoking video and the song is seeing great success in just the first few days of release. In addition, JL Universe has several queued singles ready for release later this year and into 2021.
To listen to JL’s work and to follow JL Universe, Time Stamp Records or Green Room Studios (Colorado), search and find them on Facebook and Instagram. You can also find JL Universe’s video and single — Battle Royale on all digital streaming platforms like Spotify, Apple Music and Youtube.
Time Stamp Records’ long anticipated website has been revamped and reintroduced in an easy to use and enlightening format. Plus, the brand-new winter line of TSR merchandise will be available in November and contains fabulous new clothing styles.
For more news and exclusive music, art and culture, follow TSR on all social media platforms and sign up on the mailing list at www.timestamprecords.com. New artists, new songs, new videos, new merch, new inspirations and new beginnings are all happening, right now, at Time Stamp Records.
by Luke Schmaltz
