Mark Smiley, Author at Glendale Cherry Creek Chronicle

Could You Be Loved?

by Mark Smiley | Aug 29, 2014 | Feature Story Bottom Left

So you’re putting yourself out there and you’re dating, congrats. But let me ask you, if the perfect person for you presented themself to you would you even know it? Would you be ready to love and be loved? Would you even know what love is or how to nurture it in a healthy, positive way.

My guess is probably not and I don’t say this to be rude or condescending, I say this because the dating culture has become so self-absorbed with people who chase an idea rather than an actual person, a person who enhances your life rather than pushing you back into the cauldron of toxic, soul crushing relationships.

I look at daters everywhere who scare the daylights out of me. Let’s face it, if you’re reading my column the chances are good that you’re single, and if you’re single there is a good chance it’s for a reason. My experience from interacting with an abundance of unattached people from all walks of life is that they all share one major commonality. They are not single because they “haven’t found the right person,” they are single because they are unmarketable.

Time and time again I see people frantic to attach themselves to someone. I get it. Who wants to be alone and not share intimate moments with someone special? Nobody, unless you’re so beat down by life you just throw in the towel and give up. But for the most part, I do believe people need to feel loved and have a lot of love to give. Newsflash! Your love means squat if you don’t have any substance behind it and/or you don’t know how to display it.

Have you ever heard people say, “everyone I’m interested in being with isn’t into me and everyone who is interested in me, I’m not interested in?” Personally I think that is very telling and it isn’t by chance. It’s because people are always striving for someone better than themselves or someone who they think can fill a void that they’re unable or not willing to fill themselves. But lo and behold, nature takes charge and just like water that finds its own level, humans do too.

Daters everywhere play this sick little song and dance. A song and dance called how can I find someone who fits my idea of what I’m looking for, and then customize a perception about themselves that they project that has nothing to do with who they actually are. Why? Fear I suppose, fear that if the other person catches on to who they really are the other person will run like someone is chasing them with a knife. As well they should if you’re not being genuine.

Being a single guy myself I see this and have lived this exercise in futility first hand. Let’s face it, we could all be in a relationship if we wanted to right this second. What’s the reason we’re not? Answer: because we all want the best, the crème de la crème. But be honest with yourself right now, are you the best you, are you good for someone’s life that is happy, healthy, thriving and ready for honest, untainted love? If your honest answer is no, no you are not ready to provide the same for someone that you want out of them, then please stop. Stop trying to infuse your complicated life into the lives of those who have put in the time to make themselves viable for a loving relationship. Just stop, leave them alone.

Here is a quick check list for you to use to gauge whether you’re ready to love and be loved in a healthy relationship.

Do you have a tendency to be dishonest and reframe reality so someone will like you? If so, you’re not ready.
Do you get offended by the truth and easily hurt by it? If so, you’re not ready.
Do you seek out people to fulfill an idea you have or to fill a void in yourself, i.e., you want a baby; you need money; you want arm candy; you can’t stand to be alone with yourself; your friends are all getting hitched but you’re not; you think being with someone will make you happy when otherwise you are not; and the list goes on… If so, you’re not ready.
You have jealousy and/or anger issues? If so, you’re not ready.
You believe the other person should act and react to situations just like you would and if they don’t you get upset? If so, you’re not ready.
You don’t understand that humans are fallible and will disappoint you on occasion and you take it very personally? If so, you’re not ready.
You don’t believe in letting people exercise their free will and you don’t have the ability to let them do what drives them and then decide if their actions are right for you? If not, you’re not ready.
You are unable or unwilling to identify things in your life that could be deemed dangerous and toxic to a good person and work hard on fixing those things? If not, you’re not ready.
You are so damaged from prior relationships that when someone displays love and kindness to you subconsciously push them away or sabotage it? If so, you’re not ready.
Lastly, you don’t love yourself? If so, you’re not ready.

Let me leave you this month with a quote from an amazing man who knew more about love than all of us combined, and touched more people’s hearts than any of us could ever hope to. “If she’s amazing, she won’t be easy. If she’s easy, she won’t be amazing. If she’s worth it, you won’t give up. If you give up, you’re not worthy. … Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.” ~ Bob Marley

P.S. I am starting an exclusive club in Denver called The Modern Dater Club that will be chock-full of prescreened viable daters who will be individually screened by me, and I will have fun, small, preplanned excursions for you to take part in. If you have interest in finding out more information you can personally email me on the contact page on www.themoderndater.com. Until we meet again! ~ Sheik

Denver City Council Finally Finds Its Voice

by Mark Smiley | Aug 29, 2014 | Editorials

The Denver City Council was once a political body that the news media in Denver, including newspapers and television stations, regularly covered. John Hickenlooper’s rise to the office of mayor changed all of that. His approval ratings stayed well into the 70s for his entire two terms in office and that cowered many City Council members. Hickenlooper privately would mock how supine and powerless certain individual council members were. He would note that all he had to hang on to was five council members as it took nine votes out of 13 to overturn any veto the mayor might come up with.

However, the City Council as a relevant political entity may be returning as a result of the Denver Sheriff Department scandal. While Hickenlooper keeps his contempt of the individual members of the City Council private, a less adept Mayor Hancock has made it publicly obvious. He appointed a Sheriff Department Executive Steering Committee to hire an outside firm to review the Sheriff Department and recruit candidates for the sheriff’s position. He chose six people, all of whom were appointees he controlled, such as City Attorney Scott Martinez and Chief of Staff Janice Sinden.

The City Council has been under a lot of public pressure for simply rubber stamping multi-million dollar settlements with jail inmates and not being more involved in demanding reforms. The City Council reasonably requested a representative on the steering committee. Hancock, incredibly, stiff armed them declaring he would update them at the weekly meeting he and his staff have with the City Council.

When the first such meeting occurred Mayor Hancock didn’t even bother to attend saying he needed to spend more time with his family. He was, in fact, inside the City and County Building when the meeting occurred.

The City Council had finally had enough. The usually meek and compliant Jeanne Robb erupted at David Edinger, who is overseeing the steering committee, and Stephanie O’Malley, Denver’s public safety director: “What are you thinking. I am astonished. You’ve set up council to be included to question every move. The public is upset, and I’m very upset.”

The mayor’s representatives had come to the meeting unprepared with no reports or materials for the council to review emphasizing how little they thought of the City Council. Councilman Charlie Brown was incredulous stating, “Let’s be more professional about how we are treated here.”

Mayor Hancock was informed by his staff that it was actually possible to offend Denver City Council members. Hancock relented and added two members of the City Council, Jeanne Robb and Paul Lopez, to the committee. Hancock, of course, did not want council members to think that they were all that important so he also added four regular citizens to his committee. The 13 person committee is now as large as the Denver City Council itself.

Denver has the so-called “strong mayor” form of government. Notwithstanding the same, City Council has a great deal of power under the City Charter if it elects to exercise it. The City Council is the only branch of government that can adopt or revoke legislation. It also controls all budgetary matters. The mayor’s staff wrote on the City’s website describing how the City Council actually performs its critical role in the budgetary process as follows: “to date, council modifications of the budget have been relatively minor.” It is an unintentional, but damning, critique on how the City Council members as a whole have undertaken their statutory obligations to the public in recent years.

It is about time City Council members start acting like real elected officials with constituents and not simply potted plants. There is more to being a Denver City Council member than simply approving by large margins every ill conceived real estate project that comes along. The Sheriff Department Executive Steering Committee debacle shows that City Council members can make a difference if they choose to do so.

— Editorial Board

Xcel Energy announces construction work, traffic plans for Cherry Creek area

by Mark Smiley | Aug 22, 2014 | Glendale City News

Company to perform natural gas line upgrade Aug. 26-28

Xcel Energy crews will be installing a major natural gas service line for a customer Aug. 26-28 in the Cherry Creek area; the project will impact traffic in the area as the company completes its work.

Xcel Energy will begin work for an underground boring operations beginning Aug. 26. On that day, the company will close one lane of eastbound traffic in the 2900 block of East First Avenue from 8:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. MDT. On Aug. 27-28, the company will close two lanes of westbound traffic along the same street, also from 8:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. MDT.

Motorists should expect significant congestion and delays during these lane closures. Alternative routes are suggested. Xcel Energy already has begun notifying local and commuter traffic in the area, through traffic message boards, of its work next week. On the day of the lane closures, barricades and traffic signs will be used to redirect traffic.